Plan by David Alan Jones

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kailhofer
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Re: Plan by David Alan Jones

Post by kailhofer »

Pretty good story. Strong in most every respect, save two, which I'll mention below. Good characters, good character arcs, dialog that works, believable plot... That's just about everything you could ask for.

Good work.

The two areas I thought could be stronger were setting and pace.

As for setting, these places never did seem real to me. I still can't picture one of these red trees that you can bend & grow in chains. Was the lumber red, or just the bark & leaves? Was a red a common color for other things on Plan? I didn't see a mention, but wasn't anything poisonous? They started in daub and wattle houses? Aside from that I didn't know what that was until right now, I assume that took a river nearby for the mud. Was there one in the story? I thought maybe there was, but I can't recall. Later on there are longhouses, but these are not described either. What did they plant? Later on, there are apples. Native or brought from earth? I never saw a mention of orchards.

I realize that many of these things are secondary to the tale but what about Charlie? This follows him throughout. What did he look like when the story started?

On pace, I realize that it was important to show Charlie's life as a complete cycle, and that he still chooses to follow the Plan. Good for his character development, but a little slow for the reader, I thought. After a while I wondered if Coalman's work took until Charlie was an old man on purpose, just to make the story longer.


Neither of these criticisms should be taken as all that damning. It's still a good story, and I liked it.

Nate
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