Orwellian? Maybe Orson Wellesian -- after a few months on that there unhealthy prison diet, the prisoners would all be well-rounded. There's a little Br'er Rabbit in there, too -- Oh, please don't throw me in that briar patch, Br'er Fox! I'll be forced to eat all them nasty trans-fats and nitrites and such 'til my poor rabbit heart clogs up and I die (with a smile on my chubby l'il face).
RM
Crash Diet by E.S Strout
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Re: Crash Diet by E.S Strout
You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
Jack London (1876-1916)
Jack London (1876-1916)
Re: Crash Diet by E.S Strout
Nice story! Liked it. I couldn't find anything to nit-pick about---maybe L.A. should be more asian with more Latinos as policemen, and some of the prisioners should have been black with prision gangs still fighting for control. It mght have been nice to set the story entirely in prison, with gangs supplying coffee and cigarettes, but that would be another way of re-writing a story, and not really improving it.
Minor improvements might be to interject the aroma of coffee and bacon and eyes, and give a indication of what the weather might be like in the furture, after all the effects of Global warming should be very evident by that year.
Its a good story as is!!
Minor improvements might be to interject the aroma of coffee and bacon and eyes, and give a indication of what the weather might be like in the furture, after all the effects of Global warming should be very evident by that year.
Its a good story as is!!
Tesla Lives!!!
Re: Crash Diet by E.S Strout
We can't be sure about the climate in the future----just project what might be from info in the present!!
Tesla Lives!!!