"Deep Freeze" by E. S. Strout

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Lester Curtis
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Re: "Deep Freeze" by E. S. Strout

Post by Lester Curtis »

I agree with the dog that there was too much descriptive prose, and I'll add that there wasn't enough character action or dialog.

The entirety of Part 3 had me wondering what it was while I was reading it . Since it was apparently meant to be a dream scene, it should have been all in italics, to give the reader a clue.

Just my impression, but the whole thing seemed too vague. And, yes, the lady should have been asking more questions when she got the weird, creepy comments from the locals.

Peculiar that the uber-nasty whatever-it-is lives (?) in some old building.

Finally, there's this HUGE plot hole: Why is ANYONE voluntarily living in such a place? Oh, right -- they're cultists.

Oh, and another -- wouldn't the bizarre weather have gotten the attention of modern meteorologists?

Some punctuation needing fixed, such as:
"Called Bayfield cops, spoke to a Sergeant Emerson. Neil's name didn't ring a bell. No reports of missing persons. I asked him about the town." "Frost Valley is a very old village, since before Wisconsin became a state, he told me. Their valley was carved out by a glacier. Folks stay pretty much to themselves. Some sort of cultists. I thanked him for the history lesson. Librarian gave me a half smile, charged me $2.50 for the call"
Should be:

"Called Bayfield cops, spoke to a Sergeant Emerson. Neil's name didn't ring a bell. No reports of missing persons. I asked him about the town. 'Frost Valley is a very old village, since before Wisconsin became a state,' he told me. Their valley was carved out by a glacier. Folks stay pretty much to themselves. Some sort of cultists. I thanked him for the history lesson. Librarian gave me a half smile, charged me $2.50 for the call.

Also note that in an ongoing monologue (or dialog), there should be no quotation mark at the end of each paragraph except the last one.

I didn't care for this one much; I like Gino's sci-fi better.
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?
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