Moonborn

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Robert_Moriyama
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Re: Moonborn

Post by Robert_Moriyama »

...Note to self: Don't mess with the moon chics.

Bill Wolfe
That's Moon GODDESSES, thank you very much. I'm not sure if the pre-, post- and all-around 'vert was so much a pedophile as a lunophile, fascinated by Nokomis's unique physique. I mean, presumably, she would be a "leg man's" dream (like Elle Macpherson, only more so). (Interesting side note: it was once noted that a famous pinup illustrator's women all had legs significantly longer than the norm ...) And yes, it would not be surprising if the sexual deviant population, like cockroaches, managed to be among the survivors when the world went to hell, and were closely linked by communications technology. (I'm sure some Republican politicians from the Family Values movement would contrive to live through any disaster that affected mere plebes and hoi-polloi...)[Gratuitous political jibe #1,293,048. Collect the whole series!]

RM
You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.

Jack London (1876-1916)
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Robert_Moriyama
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Re: Moonborn

Post by Robert_Moriyama »

Of course, if you were MOVING over the lunar surface from the "dark side" to the side that faces the Earth, you WOULD see the Earth "rise" over the horizon. (If I recall correctly, that wouldn't apply here, unless the settlement is pretty freakin' big and located on the "edge" of the moon as viewed from Earth, and the kids happened to move (fast) in a farside to nearside direction when they took their little stroll.)

Robert "Sunrise? Wake me around noon!" M.
You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.

Jack London (1876-1916)
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Robert_Moriyama
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Re: Moonborn

Post by Robert_Moriyama »

I can see where one would get the impression that the psychopath is a pedophile. Charlie refers to Nokomis as a “kid”, but physically, she’s taller than most humans. Not that it makes it less disturbing.

I found the oscillation between first and third person distracting. I applaud the innovativeness of it, but sometimes a radical technique just doesn’t work. You have to ask yourself why attempt two different POVs anyway. Are their perspectives that different? My assessment is no, the story doesn’t gain much, but others may differ in their opinions.

A good story overall. Some interesting themes and despite the POV shifts, I thought the plot well executed and the writing fairly crisp.
I found the POV-flipping confusing at first, but I think it does add something: for example, Nokomis's transformation (psychological though it may be) from victim to avenging angel is much more impressive when viewed through the eyes of another person, especially a friend who knows the usual, kinder, gentler version. (This is not to say that it wouldn't be interesting to know what she was thinking/feeling at that moment...)

RM
You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.

Jack London (1876-1916)
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Re: Moonborn

Post by Megawatts »

Quite a read! I love it when kids get themselves into weird situation, and this one had all the elements
needed for a good story. However, the story didn't work for me as well as I thought it would.

Boase is more of a pervert than a pedophile. He seems to lke something strange, and from the discription of Nokomis she is really strange. Very long legs, tall, and moves in an un-natural manner.

The writing good, character development a little weak, dialogue good, but the story didn't hold my interest.

The begining started out strong, but faded more and more as I read.

Overhall, not bad, but could have been much better.
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