Grandpa's Tale story by Ben Revermann

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Megawatts
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Re: Grandpa's Tale story by Ben Revermann

Post by Megawatts »

Liked the story from beginning to end. It held my attention and I wasn’t disappointed when finished.

The first paragraph grabbed my interest which is always a plus, and that simple technique sometimes makes or breaks as short story.

The grandson sneaking a cigarette to his grandfather shows compassion bordering on empathy. Yet, the grandfather directly implies that the reason in the beginning for the visits was for financial gain, yet now he knows that his grandson knows that he has no money. Now the grandfather wants to know why he still visits. The grandson, after some thought, suggests that the old-folks home relaxes him. He uses the word ‘guess’ in the story, but I find the he doesn’t know exactly why he comes.

The wit the grandfather displays and his mental sharpness makes me believe that all of his life he used his brain, whether a laborer or a professional. Good interjection, for the reader will feel more comfortable when the grandfather tells his stories. If the author showed the grandfather as being a bit senile, forgetful or confused, to reader would not place much trust in his two tales.

The two stories presented by the grandfather are strange events, and strange events happen occasionally to most people. Each tale is well narrated and easy to follow, and a clear mental picture can be formed when reading each.

The dialogue is good, attention to detail good, and the believability of the two tales--as narrated by the grandfather---is very good as each is being told.

A miss-spelled word and not using the possessive when needed, were the only errors I caught. I usually make the same mistakes when writing a story.

This story set me thinking. Weird situations or occurrences pop into everyone’s life.
I think back, and yes, I can recall strange events during my life. None as elaborate as the ones in this story, just little things usually.

Nice story!
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Lester Curtis
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Re: Grandpa's Tale story by Ben Revermann

Post by Lester Curtis »

I liked this a lot. And, although it doesn't SEEM to go anywhere, it does its job quite well. Rather than being dissatisfied with the ending, I find myself hoping that the grandfather lives long enough for the grandson to go back and share his own experience.

The descriptions of the events put me in mind of the stories published by Charles Fort: rather dry, straightforward narrations, like newspaper reporting. This just seems to magnify their creepiness.

Characterization, dialog, and setting were excellent.

Nice job. I'd be happy to see some more from this author, and I hope he becomes a commenter, too.
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Lester Curtis
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Re: Grandpa's Tale story by Ben Revermann

Post by Lester Curtis »

Hey, us merkins can punchyou8 just fine.

Try
http://www.dailywritingtips.com/

everything you need. Lively comments, sometimes offering things you don't need.

And, even more than Strunk & White, I like "Woe Is I," by Patricia T. O'Connor.

Ed: that should be, "Woe Is I," by Patricia T. O'Conner. Note spelling of last name.
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?
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