made me backtrack about three times before I could make sense of it. And then Hey Soose addresses SWMBO as "Lord" instead of "Lady."SWMBO thought, had anyone else said that to her, gone. But Hey Soose, it's just that for the very reason he is her number one, he speaks the truth.
Also, who was
? (Not a well-built gentleman.) He didn't seem to have any role in the story. And immediately after I was made to focus on him, there's Rudy, and I had no idea who he was either until somewhat later. Too much confusion.A six foot six, silk suited, cigarette smoking, well build gentleman
Finally, the theme of this story has been around the block quite a few times, and changing the setting and the gender of one of the principle players doesn't do enough to make it fresh and new. Once I'd read the challenge, the rest was inevitable and I could have stopped reading.
Polish it up and give it a real twist.