The Janitor by Jeani Rector

Tell us what you think of the October 2013 issue!

Moderator: Editors

Post Reply
User avatar
Lester Curtis
Long Fiction Editor
Posts: 2734
Joined: January 11, 2010, 12:03:56 AM
Location: by the time you read this, I'll be somewhere else

Re: The Janitor by Jeani Rector

Post by Lester Curtis »

This is why I am never anywhere without a little flashlight in my pocket. Never.

I thought it very peculiar that the bathrooms were in a separate building. And why the segregated toileting just for freshmen? That's all just weird. Seems like either an epic architectural failure or a very transparent plot device. It took me out of the story.

The high point for me was:
The intense stillness was finally broken, and movement began again, as though the world was releasing the breath it held.
Other than that, it didn't do much for me. The janitor's fight with whatever-it-was was poorly described and didn't seem serious. His leg is injured, but we weren't told how, and he isn't depicted as feeling pain.

Give us some sensory input besides darkness (which is really a lack of sensation). Shouldn't that place stink? He saves that job for last because it's disgusting; make it stink in especially creepy and unexpected ways. And why isn't he equipped with a mop-bucket, at the least? The typical janitor's cart is full of weapons; arm the guy and make the fight serious.

I was unable to really connect with this guy in a way that would make me care about him; there's nothing in the way of character motivation outside of his job, and scant little there. Up the stakes and give us a reason to care. Doesn't he have a family that he has to stay alive to support? A car payment? A gambling debt to the mob? What if he was scheduled to donate an organ to save the life of a loved one -- and his appointment was the following day?

As it is now, the used-toilet-paper-monster could take him down, and the most I could do is shrug.
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?
User avatar
Lester Curtis
Long Fiction Editor
Posts: 2734
Joined: January 11, 2010, 12:03:56 AM
Location: by the time you read this, I'll be somewhere else

Re: The Janitor by Jeani Rector

Post by Lester Curtis »

Ah, we've got a good new commenter! Welcome, pseudodragon (just watch out for the bottomdweller :lol: )!
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?
Post Reply

Return to “October 2013”