Followed by Fire by J. Alan Brown

[kailhofer]

A tale of burning love... <br><br>No grammar or spelling issues leapt out at me, but there was a little missing punctuation that I noticed.<br><br>In terms of structure, at the end, I didn't mind the POV shift for the surprise reveal so much, but I didn't care for the change to the waitress in the middle. To do that, I thought it would have been better to change POV early on to establish that precedent. That way, it's not a jarring change. I mean, up until then it was all from the husbands POV. We saw his thoughts, his views on life... I liked that character a lot. Then, just as I felt I had a really good handle on this world view and was ready to experience the major events of the plot, it jumped to a person who was not overly important in advancing the plot as far as the main character was concerned. True, it showed that something supernatural was affecting the fire, but I wasn't (for lack of a better word) ready for it to move away from this character I liked.<br><br>I'd have to say that the settings in this story felt pretty real to me. There was a lot of good, concrete detail compared to most shorts, and that helped to build dress the set well. Smell was mostly neglected from the sensory input, however. The rest of them were brought forth pretty well, I thought, but even when "His senses absorbed the evening in full force" all his nose took in was "the wood smoke of the Douglases' fire." (But, in all honesty, most folks would never notice the absence.)<br><br>I thought the characterization of the humans was superb. Rick may have been the "best" husband I've read in years. Things don't always work out like you thought they were going to. The "mother" switch can unexpectedly turn on and throw a big wrench in your sex life (although not usually as bad as in this story). These things happen to real people, and were portrayed in a very real way. Even the waitress behaved exactly as I'd expect a real waitress to act, and had attitudes that seemed spot on to me.<br><br>There were two things in the plot that set off red flags. First, there was no mention that the Burnsides noticed that there was a man on fire in the kitchen, even though they had not yet exited and Luis was visible from the bar. Even if they had not seen at first, the commotion that ensued was bound to get their attention. That kind of thing makes an impression on one, an impression that can't help but overwhelm your thoughts for some time afterwards, but Rick did not mention it. Second was the line "It would have completely died that night, had it not been for a single gesture." Up until this point, it had been the spirit of fire anywhere it was encountered. Now by association, either all fire everywhere would have died, or this was just the love of a single fire. This wouldn't jive with the fire in the restaurant. Maybe every fire has its own spirit, but I didn't read it that way.<br><br>Top marks on the dialogue (and internal monologue) for this one. Phrases jumped out as me as unique and striking. The prostate exam pucker and the studio audience's "foreplay" shout especially made me chuckle. <br><br>The characters didn't grow and change to adapt to their situations or resolve their conflicts, and I look for that in a story. I think that was why I had to think on this one for a day to decide if I liked it or not. Generally, I say no conflict vs. resolution equals no real story, but in spite of that, I must confess I really liked this tale. I hope there's more where this came from.<br><br>Nate

[Robert_Moriyama]

A tale of burning love...

No grammar or spelling issues leapt out at me, but there was a little missing punctuation that I noticed....
Nate

<br><br>Dammit, I have been trying to fix the spelling / punctuation / mechanical stuff (and sometimes meddling more than that). What did I miss?<br><br>Robert M.