- Lester Curtis
- Long Fiction Editor
- Posts: 2734
- Joined: January 11, 2010, 12:03:56 AM
- Location: by the time you read this, I'll be somewhere else
The part that bothered me most was her introduction to the other characters over drinks at the mansion; it felt too rushed. I hadn't yet gotten these people comfortably sorted on a formal last-name basis, and all at once I have to begin re-sorting them by first name. Some expansion of that scene would help. It would also help if those characters were given distinguishing traits to recognize them by.
Ms. Lee was annoying. This was probably intentional, but it was just a bit overdone. The depiction of Christopher's character seemed quite good.
I did like that Jin was offered a chance to explore other uses for her abilities, and that she finally stepped out of rigid tradition; a nice bit of character evolution. That was really the high point of the whole story.
The story seemed to end too quickly though, and didn't have much of a climax to it, and no denouement.
Not bad overall.