To me, the most powerful point in the story was:
"She has talent. As so many others do not. And you want," he felt his face growing hot, "her to give up her dream in order to live."
I also liked:
Next to that frog sat an ugly young woman. Oh, her face resembled the beautiful actresses on the cover of the supermarket gossip magazine she was reading, but the young man found the expression on it repulsive. There was glee playing around her lips as she perused articles about, judging from the cover, celebrities' stays in rehab, their divorces, their DUIs. A luxury purse dangled from her elbow.
I had a hard time keeping my willing suspension of disbelief with the young man's dialog, although it was somewhat refreshing just by its rarity. Way over the top--but then, so was Bradbury. This doesn't measure up to Bradbury's work, sadly.