Seepage by Roderick D. Turner

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Lester Curtis
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Seepage by Roderick D. Turner

Post by Lester Curtis »

Some good stuff here. This confused me at first, but that wasn't my fault as a reader, nor was it Mr. Turner's fault as a writer (for the most part): it was the confusion of the POV character. I'll get back to that.

Told in first person, it's about a female lawyer who just--isn't herself one morning. The story turns on what she does about that.

This story has a few weaknesses. For one, her psychiatrist has the wherewithal to handily deal with her problem, maybe a little too easily; the level of conflict and/or possible danger was minimized. This story could have been a lot more edgy if he hadn't decided to chaperone her 24/7. Think about it a bit and that in itself seems flimsy; he'd need some kind of backup in order to get any sleep. Also, I think they'd maybe develop some interpersonal friction after a few weeks of that. He seems to have a cheesy motive concerning her, as well, in boosting his professional status.

This jumped out at me:
" ... Just to be sure, I was right, two nights ago I guided you back to my office and ran a scan on you. You registered as fully asleep, your brain patterns perfectly tranquil, except they were the patterns of the woman you'd defended in court the afternoon before."
How did he know that? Sounds like he scanned the defendant. Did the MC wrangle the legalities of that for him?

It isn't a problem that the story ends well, it is a problem that it arrives at the ending almost painlessly for both of them.

Now, back to that confusion I mentioned. There's a scene shift between the first and second paragraphs, but it isn't indicated in any way, so it tripped me up. I read about her toothbrush moving, and then her boss is commenting on her hairdo (and how did she get dressed and out of the house without noticing that?) --and I'm wondering, why is she brushing her teeth in front of her boss? All that's needed is a scene separator between the first two paragraphs, like ***.

Next bit of confusion was the second scene, in which it takes eight paragraphs to get to the information that the person she's talking to there is her shrink. I could have used that information a little sooner.

After that, everything proceeds smoothly--so smoothly that I was finished with it and thinking, "not bad" before I realized it could have done a lot more.

Good characterization and dialog, and I didn't notice a single mechanical error. It just could have been so much more--interesting.
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?
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