One For Sorrow by Ed Sullivan

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Lester Curtis
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Re: One For Sorrow by Ed Sullivan

Post by Lester Curtis »

I'm putting in a second vote for more attribute tags on this story; I got pretty confused once, and not quite as much later. It doesn't help that both parties in the dialog sound machine-like; you still need to work on that. Use contractions when normal humans are speaking. I noticed also that the girl's name isn't used in this story.

Otherwise, this worked well as a continuation in this series of shorts, and I can't help wondering if we'll see what this new entity does.
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Lester Curtis
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Re: One For Sorrow by Ed Sullivan

Post by Lester Curtis »

EddieSullivan wrote:Also it is a slippery slope cheat. I conserve words without attributions but risk confusing the reader. As for the contraction problem I desperately want to conquer it as it will conserve words, you have to believe me there!
Yeah, the attribution boogey. Too few and the reader gets lost; too many and they get agitated.
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Lester Curtis
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Re: One For Sorrow by Ed Sullivan

Post by Lester Curtis »

EddieSullivan wrote:I always want to minimize them. I try to write so the reader can tell who is speaking through context and pattern. Sometimes I succeed. Others not as much.
Your intention is good, especially in a dialog with a quick succession of short statements. That's an easy situation to get lost in, though, even though you'd think it wouldn't be. A standard trick is to throw in a beat now and then: have one of the characters perform some little action. This gives you a way to include an attribute without using "he said" or whatever, and you get the added bonus of some visual description of the exchange. Like so:

Marsha glared across the table. "Is that all you've got to say?"

"Pretty much."

"I think you're lying to me again."

"No." John looked down at his unfinished dinner.


Not an award-winning example, but you get the idea.
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Lester Curtis
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Joined: January 11, 2010, 12:03:56 AM
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Re: One For Sorrow by Ed Sullivan

Post by Lester Curtis »

EddieSullivan wrote:I always want to minimize them. I try to write so the reader can tell who is speaking through context and pattern. Sometimes I succeed. Others not as much.
Your intention is good, especially in a dialog with a quick succession of short statements. That's an easy situation to get lost in, though, even though you'd think it wouldn't be. A standard trick is to throw in a beat now and then: have one of the characters perform some little action. This gives you a way to include an attribute without using "he said" or whatever, and you get the added bonus of some visual description of the exchange. Like so:

Marsha glared across the table. "Is that all you've got to say?"

"Pretty much."

"I think you're lying to me again."

"No." John looked down at his unfinished dinner.


Not an award-winning example, but you get the idea.
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?
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