Aphelion

An interesting story that depicts the brutality of war, and I must say it does describe many elements associated with day-to-day life in a war torn country.

The first four paragraphs tell us about the war by using interior monologue. A good idea in many cases for it gets us into the mind of the person’s thoughts. The first sentence of the second paragraph “It’s becoming difficult to remember time before I was running” tells us and somewhat shows us that the war has been raging on for a long time.

Good use of description and the dialogue sounded natural. The grammar was Okay–really nothing to nit-pick about.

The only suggestion I have: Experiment with showing and keep reading good stories of all genres, and study how the authors show or tell and how they introduce scenes into their stories.

You’ve demonstrated a talent for writing—keep at it!!

I disagree. I didn't think that sympathy for the dead was a priority for the author. His goal read to me to be to show the effect of war on a child through the perspective of that same child.

When seen through the eyes of a child, would that kid (who has been numbed by war for months), really feel a lot of sympathy? I have to think not, but that's just my opinion.