Aphelion

Ever thought about creating a primer for your universe?<br><br>If I understand it correctly, from the three stories I've read so far, your universe is set on a world populated by a couple of sentient races, one of which is the Mandaroy. The native peoples had a technology level somewhat akin to 18th century earth (hence the pirates). Plus, some of these groups have magic.<br><br>Into that mix, humans, called Westerners, arrived with their space-fairing (or is it dimension-hopping?) technology. They used that tech on the natives as well as sold it to them. There are now native peoples being displaced, and certain segments are trying to gain status in this new social order.<br><br>The hero here is one of those native peoples who has been fused with a cybernetic device. In order to fulfill a prophesy, he placed himself in prison until such time it was right to move. The plot of this one, then, was merely his escape.<br><br>Before I go any further, did I get this much right?<br><br>Nate

All righty, then. Time for some heavy-duty deconstruction. <br><br>(To me, these posts read like an essay, so I apologize in advance for that.)<br><br>I haven’t read “Beyond the Gloaming” yet, but I think Dan has made some serious progress compared to Swords. His focus has been greatly narrowed, down to the actions of one person, much like it was in “Bone Up Yar.” Dan’s got real talent. I think we all can see that. But it’s raw, wild talent.<br><br>I think it might be time to bring out some Robert Silverberg (yes, I can hear the groans).<br><br>Robert Silverberg called this The Generic Plot of all Stories: <br>A sympathetic and engaging character (or an unsympathetic one who is engaging nevertheless), faced with some immensely difficult problem that it is necessary for him to solve, makes a series of attempts to overcome that problem, frequently encountering challenging sub-problems and undergoing considerable hardship and anguish, and eventually, at the darkest moment of all, calls on some insight that was not accessible to him at the beginning of the story and either succeeds in his efforts or fails in a dramatically interesting and revelatory way, thereby arriving at new knowledge of some significant kind.<br>--Asimov’s SF Magazine, 2004. <br><br>For the sake of argument, I’d like to assume that Silverberg is correct, and use his plotline to try and plug in this tale of Kai, the half-demon Dagian Guard.<br><br>First, A sympathetic and engaging character... Kai is a character in an engaging situation--he’s an imprisoned war criminal who is tortured every night, for merely being on the wrong side--but is he engaging by himself? What in his character draws sympathy from the audience? He is a prisoner, but this is a two-edged sword. That he is held against his will counts for him, but that he is a mass murderer is a considerable turnoff. After a round of torture, we see him receive his mental marching orders, and those items count for him, but not a lot. Next, he turns into a nearly all-powerful killing machine and breaks out. As Jaimie put it,<br>

Not that he's unlikable, but his meta-human abilities make him a little harder to relate to.

In my view, this shows that the audience is not buying into the main character or his situation.<br><br>The audience has to be drawn to the character in a human way; we have to feel for him… or her… or it. How as writers can we build empathy for our heroes? The simple answer is to give them weaknesses and internal conflict. Physical weakness can help--the character John McClane in the movie Die Hard may have been tough enough to kill all those terrorists, but he didn’t have shoes--and there was a lot of broken glass to run through. Kai’s physical invulnerability didn’t help him in this regard. However, McClane’s real weakness, the one that brought it home to viewers was his wife among the hostages. When she was to be used against him, there wasn’t a person in the theater who wasn’t behind him (unless they were relatives of Allan Rickman or devoted enemies of Bruce Willis).<br><br>Many authors like to use phobias like fear of heights in movies with tall buildings, fear of spiders for tales of arachnophobia… Or maybe the character has promised to be non-violent, but must fight. Perhaps his violence caused the death of someone he loved, and the hero has to overcome guilt to save the day. The list of possible internal conflicts is endless.<br><br>Now, if Kai had left the Guard because of an emotional wound, like he had fallen in love with the Queen (assuming there is one), and didn’t want to break up the royal couple because of the damage it would cause to his country and his love--then he’s suffering would be a noble act. At that point, I have no problems. Set phasers on deep fat fry, and let’s get this guy out of prison.<br><br>A fact which might not have been pointed out is that the phenomena of “washing” the details over the audience in a wave also takes away from the sympathy one feels for the characters. That is, in order to “swim” past all the names and information, you have to unplug from the narrative a bit; you have to ignore parts of the story. At least for me, that means I can never latch back on to the flow with the same intensity. I have to keep on the watch for a new flurry of names to fly at me instead of caring what happens next to the character as a person.<br>[continued...]

[...continued]<br><br>Moving on, faced with some immensely difficult problem that it is necessary for him to solve, makes a series of attempts to overcome that problem, frequently encountering challenging sub-problems and undergoing considerable hardship and anguish… No problems there. Dan has this part nailed. Nailed, blasted, & chopped into little bits. And then some.<br><br>Eventually, at the darkest moment of all, calls on some insight that was not accessible to him at the beginning of the story and either succeeds in his efforts or fails in a dramatically interesting and revelatory way, thereby arriving at new knowledge of some significant kind. Sticky wicket here. Structurally, this point of climax would normally have been just as he makes it into the fugue. Except, he makes it past the guards here even easier than he had past the ones in the prison with the nerve gas. Therefore, he doesn’t do it in a “dramatically interesting and revelatory way.” <br><br>If there was something special Kai had to do to gain entrance to the fugue, some test he had to pass, or something like that, this would work. If he can get in only because he’s half-demon, but had to bet his life on that fact, or something of equal importance… like realizing the aforementioned Queen (again, if there is one) was responsible for his people’s defeat, and use a trick he saw her do to get in.<br><br>In the end, I can’t say what it would need to be. Only Dan can say that. But as a part of that audience I can say that if I don’t get to read something like that, I feel cheated. I’ve invested my time in reading this story--at that point I might care about this character a great deal--and if I don’t get the moving big “bang” that a well-crafted climax brings… I want my emotional currency back.<br><br><br>Dan, you’re a gifted author. You’ve got creativity and energy coming out of your ears. But, in my opinion, if you don’t start following a plot something like Silverberg’s, continue to focus your characters with human motivations and flaws, and, frankly, dumb the details down a bit… I don’t think anyone is ever going to pay you for these stories that you’ve spent so many years of your life on. You’ve got a wonderful, complex world to set your stories in, but if it doesn’t pertain directly to the setting, the character development, or carrying the plot through… don’t say it. <br><br>Again, just my opinion, and the relevance of it, in part, hinges on whether or not you buy Silverberg's plot. Still, I think it's a good example to model.<br><br>Nate

I think the issue of too many names boils down to the writer's ability to earn a commitment from readers. If a reader trusts the writer and commits to the story, then the former is more likely to accomodate what otherwise might seem like an overload of details, secure in this trust that the writer will reveal the significance of such things.

<br>I'd agree with this to a certain extent. I don't mind being in the dark temporarily, but I have to feel confident that it's only going to be for a little while. <br><br>But otherwise, I'm with Donald. I think you give us all too much credit as readers.<br><br>I'd like to think I'm smarter than the average bear, but that much info just overheats my noggin. I can't keep track of it all, and then the failsafe kicks in... <br><br>In Donald's party example, I'd probably remember all 20 faces, but none of their names.<br><br>Nate