The Machines at Ellison

Tell us what you thought about the February 2017 issue!

Moderator: Editors

Post Reply
Megawatts
Master Critic
Posts: 951
Joined: December 31, 1969, 08:00:00 PM
Location: Johnstown, Pa.

Re: The Machines at Ellison

Post by Megawatts »

Nice intro; it did get my attention. We have the aftermath of a war in which the pulse destroyed all electrical driven machines probably. There’s no reference to a nuclear explosion, so I assume the war centered on pulses. Believe me, nuclear pulses could destroy the electrical grid, and if that happened all we know would cease to function!

I liked Daniel’s interior thoughts and feelings explained throughout this story. Usually it’s better to show feelings but that can’t always work. In a story like this one, narration works better than showing, but I believe that a little more showing could have been interjected at some points.

What works with narration is description and in this story with have good description. Many adjectives are used strategically to further enhance the image being described. Perhaps a little more sensory input. When Daniel gazed back at the two armed sentries he waved to them. During the mornings the air is often crisp and a little chilly. A little sensory input could have been added by saying: Through the crisp morning air, Daniel waved to them with an awkward smile. This is only a suggestion that might have worked to get the reader closer to Daniel. A little sensory input goes a long way. The balance between showing, telling, sensory input, actions, dialogue can’t be placed in a formula, and each author has a different take on the right mixture.

I like the ending. Colonel Piper did the right thing by realizing that the future belonged beyond the gate!

Good job!
Tesla Lives!!!
Post Reply

Return to “February 2017”