Aphelion

Thanks for joining. Aphelion's a great site, and the critiques are always helpful.

Welcome, Milos, and thanks again.

First off, I'll say that the overall feeling of the story reminded me of the work of brothers Boris and Arkady Strugatsky. For those unfamiliar with their work, they (now both deceased) were two Soviet-era Russian SF authors who managed to produce critiques of the Party and the State and sneak them past the censors as literature. Their work is well respected, but it isn't cheerful.

The only aspect of the story that caused me hesitation was in the way the second-person narrator would abruptly switch the object of his remarks between the other characters. I wasn't confused, since the addressee was always properly identified; it just seemed unusual to me for him to be talking to, say, Fairy, and then switch suddenly to address Aleksei. It helps to keep in mind that he's dictating a recording--and that he's drunk.

I may have more to say on this later, but it's quite well done.

But I must admit I did not think it might be felt as un-natural by the readers and I will remember that next time - the confusion was intended to mimic his flow of thoughts, the unusual-ness not so much and therefore a flaw in a scifi trying to be realistic.

It didn't feel unnatural; it was just an unusual way of portraying action and dialog. You did very well at making second-person PoV work, especially in a piece of this length. Second-person PoV is known for its difficulties, to the extent that new writers are advised not to try it. I think you did a good job with it. The story would not have been as effective in first-person. All that added to the fact that English isn't your first language.

Also, I would like to see what message the story managed to provide about its mistery - I had at least two different possibilities in mind and am very curious which one got through.

Are you referring to the ending? It left me with a kind of nervous ambiguity; Bek hasn't destroyed the AI yet and it's letting him get drunk. So, either he followed through on that and saved Earth, or we're doomed, but he stops the recording before we get to find out. Nicely done.

Ah, that ... yeah, that was a little fuzzy to me. I suppose it's up the the reader to decide.