Poker Face by William Joseph Roberts

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Lester Curtis
Long Fiction Editor
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Poker Face by William Joseph Roberts

Post by Lester Curtis »

William,

It struck me that your story was missing a couple things that I was hoping to find.

The first was a story about the Mare Inebrium, or a story having substantial setting content or character involvement placing it there. The only such content in the story is in the 17th paragraph, where the words "Mare" and "Max" make their first and last appearances in the story, and then only in a comment by one of the characters in the room. None of the staff of the Mare appears in person or has a speaking part. Nothing else especially distinguishes the setting.

So the story was mentioned as taking place in the Mare, but what it really was about was the goings-on between some humans and some aliens. The elevator pitch might look like:

"So, two guys walk into a bar ..."

... and they hustle human-made products (mostly consumables) for sale to aliens, passing samples around. The various aliens like some of the offerings but not others. One of the aliens gets inebriated on something. Aliens offer to buy various products. Everybody goes back to their ships more or less satisfied.
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Now, you obviously enjoyed writing this, and I enjoyed reading it. The whole thing was very chaotic, with drinks and cigars and cheese and cheap tea sets, and everyone's varied reactions. It's a lot of fun. But it doesn't have a strong story arc, and I can't find any character arc in it at all. Since there was no significant conflict going on, there was no conflict resolution to be had, and in the end, I can't work up any great care for these characters.

Try making your readers have to hold their breath for a while because of a threat of some kind. And any kind will do, but the more personal the threat is to the character, the better. It doesn't have to be violent. Chains of events can work. Say, these guys have to unload their goods or they won't be able to pay for the fuel to get home to their families, or something, and one of them has to get his cut to buy his kid a dress or she won't be able to go to the prom--which is next week.

Beat your characters up and readers will say "Ow." And they'll want more.
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?
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