The Laws of Magic

Tell us what you thought about the September 2005 issue!

Moderator: Editors

Post Reply
User avatar
kailhofer
Editor Emeritus
Posts: 3245
Joined: December 31, 1969, 08:00:00 PM
Location: Kaukauna, Wisconsin (USA)
Contact:

Re: The Laws of Magic

Post by kailhofer »

My favorite Papa Joe short story is still "An Apartment In Automatia".<br>http://www2.aphelion-webzine.com/shorts ... <br><br>[i](And people think TaoPhoenix is the only one who combs through the archives...)[/i]<br><br><br>However, in this story here, I saw an attempt to create a more complex plot than I'd seen in any of his previous shorts. Plus, at it's core, it was a good plot, too.<br><br>In a nutshell, a detective investigates a missing person involved in the occult, and then everyone in the story manipulates him toward their own supernatural ends as he investigates, as well as against each other. Plus, there was a suprise twist at the end. That was pretty good in my book. <br><br>The characters were interesting. The detective may not have been a clear thinker with his life choices--I’d like to believe most cops keep their pants zipped around potential suspects--but he was still engaging, and that was the most important thing. It was easy to tell that there was something wrong with Lillith, Adrienne, and even the odd missing scientist, but they were also all appealing characters.<br><br>The setting was striking. A basement lair, filled with occult devices and pentagrams, as well as cross-dimensional temples. I don’t read a lot of that kind of fiction, so it caught my eye straight off.<br><br>Unfortunately there was one big minus to this story, one that affected all of the other facets of a story: shortcuts.<br><br>At first, description was great. Broad-brimmed hat on coat racks, doilies on the back of Victorian sofas. Then later, who could tell what the temple looked like? Not me, anyway. Occasionally, description was back on, like when the Yog-Sothoth ran past. Other times, such as when Kopinski stopped to see the professor who was translating for him. Nothing was described in that scene--not the cops he talked to, the building, the squad cars or perhaps coroner's van. Mighty Cthulhu appeared and wasn't described at all, apart from having pseudopods. And that's too bad, I'd have liked to know what he looked like (personally, I think he resembles my boss, but I'd like to know for sure:)). In other words, if one is building a concrete reality, then all of it has to be concrete, not just some of it. That's a corner that shouldn't be cut.<br><br>Telling versus showing is one shortcut that sets me off every time, and in the very beginning, the narrative monologue about the doctor was only the first time this shortcut was taken. Adrienne knows about Professor Johnson because she tells us she's telepathic, and it's just accepted as true. The worst tell versus show was Lillith's, when she said “Haven't you ever wondered why I've never told you my last name. It's because I have none. Actually I'm what you would call a demon; I prefer fallen angel. Alfred summoned me from the void. I’m a special species of fallen angels called a succubus. That’s how I was able to seduce you so easily. Now I have your seed. All I need is your blood.” Take time, and let the plot unfold as it should. I don't mind being in the dark as long as things are illuminated eventually. <br><br>Characters play better when they have depth, and the main character of this one is largely one-dimensional. He likes solving puzzles and screwing--and that's pretty much it. He doesn’t have people he cares about, or an adorable kitten back at his apartment that he found abandoned at some crime scene. He’s not annoyed by people who say ‘dat’ instead of ‘that’, or he never had a girlfriend killed at her all-girl college in a freak but tragic kiln accident… There’s nothing else to him. If a writer wants the audience to really dig his character, then that author has to take the time and build depth. In my view, that's part of our duty to the audience as storytellers. Give your character flaws that endear him, or her, (or it) to the audience, and then make that character grow as a person during the story. Those are things that cannot be done quickly or easily, and should never be cut short. <br><br><br>Let me be clear: I thought this was an ok story, and that it was well worth reading. However, I felt that the shortcuts taken kept this from what it could have been: a great story.<br><br>Nate
Hardcover, paperback, pdf, eBook, iBook, Nook, and now Kindle & Kobo!
Image
A cooperative effort between 17 Aphelion authors. No part of any sales go to Aphelion.
Post Reply

Return to “September 2005”