Aphelion

Now and again, it's good to give old stories some fresh air. They serve as markers to ourselves to show us how we thought, what was important to us at the time, and reveal how our skills have improved over. Plus, they can entertain an audience all over again.

This was a complicated universe, one that was a bit hard to take in. It took me an installment or two to really "get" it, especially with reality being re-written as it went. Nevertheless, it was a good story. Trauma & crew succeed. The 808 was built.

I'm curious, however, as to who wrote what. I'm not familiar with Rob's style--I'm sure I've read a few in the stacks, but they escape me at the moment. I have seen a good bit of Jeff's style through Nightwatch, and much of this doesn't 'sound' like him (and I mean that in a difficult to explain and highly nebulous way). Of course, that could just be the 9 years since this came out the first time and they're both different people now.

If I may be so bold as to use this story as a teaching tool... I think a change in focus could have made this an even better story. It's a good yarn, don't get me wrong, but I think if it had focused more on George's character and how he related to the changing events around him instead of how the events themselves were resolved, it's more appealing to the audience.

The world around these characters is constantly changing, as was necessary for the plot. It's hard for a reader to connect with such a universe--it keeps them at a distance. That is, every time I think 'I don't quite understand.' I have to pull out of the story and ponder it before I can digest the next bit. If on the other hand, I read about how George doesn't understand, I have no problem. George is the one with the inability to cope, and I'm just reading about how he flounders. Even if I still don't understand what's going on, I'll believe that's because George doesn't grasp it--and that I'm forced to see it through his eyes. Plus, this gives me someone to relate to. Honestly, I didn't connect with Trauma, or Mia, or Ellis' crew. I did, however, somewhat connect to the villain, Ground.

The first part was very much through George's perspective, so I thought this series would keep that going. Much like Arthur Dent shuffles through Douglas Adam's universe just fine, despite that he doesn't understand it at all. Instead, as this story progressed it focused on the events. George became just another player, and not the star.

As I said, it's still a good story, but I also think if either or both of the authors had written it today, it would be a very different yarn. Probably faster paced, probably utilizing greater emotional depth--experience counts for a lot.

If you haven't read the parts yet, do it now. They're worth reading.

Nate

Bill: Actually, I don't see Trauma as a Ford character at all. He's much less feckless than Ford is; while they are both very anti-authoritarian, Ford would react to the sudden collapse of the Timelines and imminent rewriting of history by going to find a party, not by risking his life to set it right.

If you want to know the "high concept" tag on Trauma, I'll let you in on the secret. Then, go re-read some of his scenes and see what happens to the timbre of them:

Trauma Martin is a cross between Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Who, as played by Tim Curry.

Have at. :)

As for the loose end, the in-joke there is that George is looking up Trauma in a future library catalog. *He* will end up writing Trauma's adventures, as Watson to his Holmes.

Thanks for the kind words and critique from all of you. Looking forward to seeing more reactions to this book, and I'll try and answer more of it in detail after people have had a chance to put their comments in.

I wasn't around the first time, so I'm curious. When you do decide to respond to critiques, what kind of comments did it get when it originally ran?


Nate

It was mostly ignored in comments the first time around. We did get a good bit of feedback from some people we selected to read it and give us feedback, and the version you just read contains many edits that resulted from that feedback.

As for when to respond, normally, I'd wait until the month was out and all the comments had come in to say anything, but I responded early because Bill asked a specific question (about the books in the library catalog) that I wanted to answer, and while I was answering that question I also threw in some of my views on the comparison of Trauma to Ford.

As for when to respond, normally, I'd wait until the month was out and all the comments had come in to say anything, but I responded early because Bill asked a specific question (about the books in the library catalog) that I wanted to answer, and while I was answering that question I also threw in some of my views on the comparison of Trauma to Ford.

Heavens, I wasn't trying to say I felt slighted that you hadn't responded when you had to Bill. I merely was trying to say that when you were in comment mode, per se, I had another question. I was (and am) content to wait.

No harm, no foul.

Nate

Heavens, I wasn't trying to say I felt slighted that you hadn't responded when you had to Bill. I merely was trying to say that when you were in comment mode, per se, I had another question. I was (and am) content to wait.

No harm, no foul.

Nate

Oh, go ahead. I'm perfectly willing to talk about it now -- I'm just thrilled it's being discussed:)

Questions, Eh? I have one...

Is the Carnival Clown, at the top of Part One,
The same as in Five, with the tale almost done?
Explain to me the sequence, just a little bit more;
Uncertainty, presaged with reverb,
Can I link the Clown?

And ... I know not what tunes were used, To map out the exchange;
Each group has a different count, The pattern is to strange!
The rhythms of the verses are eluding me now, and I may never know the connecting thread.
Or did you even have a song in mind when this clown theme entered your head?
I'll follow you,
Nothing makes sense until the clown-theme is spelled out for me!

Heh. The clown came long before the song exchange between itself and Trauma Martin. It was originally intended to just be a surreal bit in George's dream, but later we needed him again The Thromboids refer in the scene just preceeding his return to their "special agent". The precise nature of the clown is never made precisely clear (in this story, at least), nor why he *particularly* manifests as a carnival clown in the first place. But he obviously has the ability to enter someone's head in their dream state (Since this is a farce and not a hard SF story, we didn't go out of our way to explain the mechanics of certain things. Quite the opposite, in fact.)


The tune they duel with is a parody of Stephen Sondheim's "Send in the Clowns", from his 1973 musical A Little Night Music. When Trauma wakes, he sings the refrain of Smokey Robinson's "The Tears of A Clown" to himself.

So the ultimate battle comes down to R&B versus show tunes? :o

So the ultimate battle comes down to R&B versus show tunes? :o

Doesn't it always?

Heavens, I wasn't trying to say I felt slighted that you hadn't responded when you had to Bill. I merely was trying to say that when you were in comment mode, per se, I had another question. I was (and am) content to wait.

No harm, no foul.

Nate

Oh, go ahead. I'm perfectly willing to talk about it now -- I'm just thrilled it's being discussed:)

Well, ok.

Just kind of curious... Why the title? I realize Trauma's office was at Galaxy & Fifth, but that seemed such a small point in the plot. Is the address supposed to have greater significance?

I suspect I missed this, but why does Ground appear in George's closet? They knew where Boltz was. Why not just go kill him? Why go to all the trouble to set up an entrance so high in the air just to use Trauma & crew to kill by accidental impact? Was there some greater fear of Trauma from the Thromboids? Was there a part of the story that wasn't told?

The precise nature of the clown is never made precisely clear (in this story, at least), nor why he *particularly* manifests as a carnival clown in the first place.

I had a hard time understanding the clown. Was the his purpose made plain in some other story?

That's all I've got at the moment, but I will ask again if more come to me.

Nate

The style was very reminiscent of Hitchhikers, which many folks have already noted. I picked up on the Dr. Who influence as well. I’m not a big Dr. Who fan, so I wasn’t sure which Doctor inspired Trauma Martin. Tom Baker went through my mind and seemed to fit. He was mysterious, knowledgeable, and irreverent. I could see, though, why Ford Perfect would also seen as an inspiration for the character, as they also share some of the same traits (although I remember Ford as being more irreverent than smart). The Time Authority concept was similar to Poul Anderson’s Time Patrol, another good read.

Douglas Adams is a huge influence on me, and I won't ever deny it. Also Terry Pratchett and Robert Asprin. I like comedy, and I enjoy reading *good* genre comedies, and hoped that this would, indeed be one.

Time travel plots and the resulting paradoxes make for both difficult writing and reading, so I’m very impressed that Rob and Jeff pulled it off so well. The plot flows smoothly. The only hiccup I had was the introduction of Hamlet. I was surprised the Dane would know English. However, when I figured out they really Shakespeareans with their own world, I had to applaud the genius of having Hamlet being an actor as opposed to an actor trying to be Hamlet. The use of irony was quite delicious.

There's more to Shakesperion IV than was explained in this story. We may yet write something that explains it more, or at least include a scene in a future story that explains what on Earth is going on there.

There are a number of other things I thought done well. The installments ended on wonderful cliffhangers, a technique that seems to be underutilized by less experienced writers. I also wondered who the “bad guys” would be and was pleasantly surprised to find out that it was the janitors all along. I had feared we would get an antagonist out of the blue. Instead, it turned out to be a cleverly crafted part of the plot.

It's worth noting that G&5 was written as a serial, rather than a novel that was later split into parts. So the cliffhangers were quite intentional. If you look, you'll see the word-count for each installment gets slightly longer, because the original outline was to the effect of "Ok, here's the basic story. Part one ends here, part two ends here, etc", without realizign how much would be required to get to each point. Part one was originally 3,000 words long. Part Six was over 20k. (For the rerun, we combined the original part one and part two into a single installment. The original run also had no chapter breaks.)

One of my big pet peeves is dishonest mysteries. Also, I firmly believe in the inverse of Chekov's Law. Just as "If you show a gun in Act One, you must fire it by Act Three" is true, if you fire a gun in Act Three, you must have shown it in Act One.

The story has its share of funny moments, albeit the plot turned became progressively more serious as it went along, losing some of its outlandishness. We started out with a dwarf in a closet and a prophetic clown in a dream. However, this could also signify that George’s understanding grew, and what was once alien was becoming more acceptable.

Another thing I wanted to avoid was the plot being in the service of the jokes, rather than visa-versa. So, as the situation grows more serious, the tone does slightly shift, though never so completely that there aren't liberal amounts of humour. But it's a lot easoer to be light and throw in a lot of gags when the stakes aren't as high. As the plot grew thicker, it had to.

A telling moment in the book for me is on Shakespereon, when Trauma reflects in front of the fire. It's the first glimpse you really get of him when he's not playing to some audience....I wanted to show that there's a lot going on underneath that breezy exterior. Trauma isn't quite as offhand as he'd like everyone around him to believe. He also has his own agendas, which aren't deeply explored in this book.

The only quibble I had was the existence of a number of GSP issues scattered about. Other than that, I couldn’t find any fault with the story. It’s a wonderful read that I finished relatively quickly. (No offense to other writers, but it can be painful to slog through a serial entry that’s poorly written). I think it has market potential, but might be considered too similar to Hitchhikers or Time Patrol.

I wouldn't turn down interest in it, but I think Jeff and I have both come to the realization that neither of us really looks forward to the amount of work it would be to get this particular manuscript salable. I might send it off as a query again (I'd be more willing to do serious redrafting on it if someone was offering a cheque in exhancge!), but we decided to rerun it partly because we're no longer actively trying to sell it (or, more to the point, we're admitting that we're no longer trying to sell it.

Question for Jeff. Was Mia the inspiration for Stephanie? Or is there a shared inspiration for both? They share some of the same mannerisms, including a penchant for computers. They are both tough yet have vulnerable sides.

As Jeff already said, Mia surprised us both. You've heard writers talk about how they had certain ideas for how the story was going to go, and the characters surprised them? Well, that's very much the case here. She surprised us first by running after Trauma and getting caught up in the adventure - she was originally only supposed to be someone to help Trauma at the Library - and then later by falling in love with George. Neither of those plot developments were in the original outline. (And I know for *certain* I had a crush on her.)

Also, is this set in the Mare Inebrium universe? Or was that reference considered more an inside joke? And finally, what’s the significance of the Shady Dragon?

Both in-jokes. I imagine Jaimie is curious about the Order of the Shady Dragon, as he's just encountered the Shady Dragon Inn in the AD&D campaign we started on Tuesday, which I'm DMing. The Order was the role playing group from a campaign Jeff and I were both involved with back in the 1980s, and I tossed it in just as a wink to that. The Mare reference was the same.

Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for the comments. I'm really enjoying discussing this story again after all these years.

Just kind of curious... Why the title? I realize Trauma's office was at Galaxy & Fifth, but that seemed such a small point in the plot. Is the address supposed to have greater significance?

Nope. We just liked the sound of it. We first came up with the idea of Trauma and George back in High School, but never did anything with the characters beyond some preliminary sketches. Some years later, I asked Jeff if he'd mind if I borrowed them for a serial idea I had for Aphelion, and if he'd be interested in co-authoring it. After discussing various plot scenarios, Jeff came up with the idea for the Boling 808 storyline, and we went with that.

I suspect I missed this, but why does Ground appear in George's closet? They knew where Boltz was. Why not just go kill him? Why go to all the trouble to set up an entrance so high in the air just to use Trauma & crew to kill by accidental impact? Was there some greater fear of Trauma from the Thromboids? Was there a part of the story that wasn't told?

They wanted to use Trauma as a dupe, and they knew enough about him and his methods that if they put the mystery in front of him, he'd not be able to resist following it.

As was pointed out late in the book, it's easy to assume that, because the Thromboids are relegated to low-respect service jobs, they aren't very bright. They are a very intelligent, cunning, and proud race, and this plot by a radical cult within their society was born out of the shame some of them feel for what they consider an unfair trick of fate.

It could be argued that the plot is needlessly complicated, but I remind the reader that this is intended to be somewhat of a farce, and while the plot is needlessly complicated, it also lends itself to a good deal of humour, and that's really what we were going for in many places.

Bellisario's Axiom plays well here: "Don't examine this too closely." :)

The precise nature of the clown is never made precisely clear (in this story, at least), nor why he *particularly* manifests as a carnival clown in the first place.

I had a hard time understanding the clown. Was the his purpose made plain in some other story?

Not yet, but Jeff and I have recently discussed writing new stories in this universe, so, who knows.

For the purposes of this story, all you really need to know is that the clown has the ability to enter a person's mind via their dreams, and can subtly influence their behavior. Having given George the note, they planted the idea in his head to go and see the "Dream Police" (itself another in-joke. I know Dan got it, though it may have eluded people not as well versed in 1970s rock music *grin*) via the fake ad they placed in the paper. Sort of a twist on post-hypnotic suggestion, if you will.

The fact that he's a clown means very little, though it did inspire the song-duel later in the book.

It's probably worth noting that while this book was outlined, it wasn't *tightly* outlined. The clown was a clown because that's what I thought of when I wrote that scene. He shows up later because Jeff and I were discussing the need for the Thromboids to try and get in Trauma's head, and how he might do that, and one of us thought that the clown, who was earlier a throw-away gag, might have a greater significance and that it would be interesting to tie him back in.

That's all I've got at the moment, but I will ask again if more come to me.

Nate

Hope that's answered your questions. Please post any more that you have (for all values of "you") :)

What en enjoyably entertaining tale it's been! From the start it had the air of a Mare story,and then in part 2 the Mare Inebrium gets a mention, hurrah! A couple of bits I thought were brilliant: the alternate reality where the currency is 100 year old cheese, the wooden computer in Hamlet's castle (though I never quite figured out what was going on on that planet).

What's going on on that planet is probably far weirder than anyone has imagined. (Well, anyone other than me and Jeff, who know exactly what is going on on that planet *grins mysteriously*)

The charcters started off as rather Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect, but they developed their relationship, and that with Mia, and became hugely enjoyable to follow. The other thing I thought very well done was the Oslo conference. It went on for page after page, but never became dull.

Greta job!

It would be silly to deny what a huge influence Adams is on my writing. There's something about his humour that just clicks with me, and it comes out when I write comedy. On the other hand, I still don't think Trauma has *that* much in common with Ford Prefect aside from a funny name and a somewhat hyperkinetic personality. (I honestly think that primary reason people make the comparison is that the prose does have a bit of a HHGG flavour, and George is quite obviously in the same role as Arthur, in that he is the normal person that we can relate to. You have to have someone anchor the reader to reality, or you risk becoming entirely too silly. As C.S. Lewis observed, "Extraordinary things happening to extraordinary people is a bit much of a muchness." (I also think that George is quite different to Arthur in many respects -- he's much more capable, and adapts far more quickly to events -- but I can't argue that in many ways both George and Trauma are filling dramatic roles similar to those of Arthur and Ford, so I should likely stop being defensive about it.

Glad to know the Oslo bits worked. One of the challenges of that entire sequence is that neither Jeff nor I have ever been to Norway. (At the time we wrote it, I'd never been to London, either). We had to craft the city scenes from book research.

I'd be interested to hear from people who are more familiar with the locales to let us know if we got anything preposterously wrong.

Thanks for the comments!