Aphelion

My first thoughts: Well balanced story --mostly dialogue but narration when needed.

I liked the easy read of this one, but it wasn’t simple, just crafted very well.

I couldn’t find much to nit-pick about! Maybe some more showing than telling, but then one can say that about many stories that hold one’s interest. This one certainly held mine!!!

Character development good, but more sensory input needed.

I believe the active voice should be used in this situation: Antonella almost jumped from her seat. She was not accustomed to being spoken to in this house -- at least, not while Arthur's mother was present.

Better might be: Antonella almost jumped from her seat. Arthur’s father spoke directly to her! Even with Arthur’s mother still sitting at the table!

Another point which I don’t know whether I agree with it or not: My daughter read the story, and said that all babies have blue eyes when first born!! This last for just a short time. I don’t know if it’s true or not, but my daughter did have blue eyes when first born. They turned brown later! And she’s Italian like me!!

Just an interesting point and I sure many other readers know more about baby eyes than I do.  

The doctors would not treat Antonella because the insurance companies would drop them like a bomb.

That makes sense to me!! Insurance companies today are trying to control your life!! They’re trying to control doctors, where you live, your work, your spending habits, your etc.... Get the picture. Believe me, insurance COE'S want to earn Billions now instead of Millions!!

The girls from the ghetto and their lives trapped by society mirrors many families and young people today in America.

The ending worked very well for this story. Some might say it was too depressing because Antonella died, but remember life is never fair, and in a future society like this one, the same rules of fairness will still apply.

A very good, above average story.

I read this story early on, but haven't been able to come to a conclusion about it until now.

I thought it came off flat. It lacked choice.

In "Listening to the Words", Tony made several choices along the way to try to save David's life. In the end, they didn't work and David's death wound up saving Tony instead.

Arthur made his choice before the story began: 'Till death do us part.' After that, Antonella made all the choices and he just supported her as best he could. She chose the pregnancy. She rejected the clinic. She ultimately decided on the midwife who apparently didn't believe in taking an ultrasound.

Arthur reacted to the situations. Ultimately, he chose to raise the daughter, but he wouldn't even hold her until yelled at from a forceful woman. It's not the same.

At his darkest moment, he didn't call upon some insight that wasn't available to him before the pregnancy. His efforts didn't cause the story to succeed or fail in a dramatically interesting and revelatory way. He just dealt with the aftermath.

Heartbreaking, perhaps, but flat, IMO.

Nate