Elegy for Mary Alice By Charles Ebert

Tell us what you thought about the May 2008 issue!

Moderator: Editors

Post Reply
User avatar
kailhofer
Editor Emeritus
Posts: 3245
Joined: December 31, 1969, 08:00:00 PM
Location: Kaukauna, Wisconsin (USA)
Contact:

Re: Elegy for Mary Alice By Charles Ebert

Post by kailhofer »

Pretty good tale here. Decent ghost story.

Interesting plot.


There was something about it, though, that comes off a little flat. At first, I thought it was the lack of sensory input much like Bill described, but everything is a little muted... including the characters, as Casey mentioned in his critique.

It also might be that the plot is a little bit schizoid. I thought this was going to be a story about the mother, not the ghost child. The focus changes in the middle of the story, which winds up leaving the plot, well, unfocused. Rather than switch, I'd recommend establishing a rapport with one character, then sticking with her. Here, I just started empathizing with the mom, then felt the child's... unraveling? Withdrawing? Not sure what the right term is. Meltdown, at any rate. (See? Bill's not the only one with the jokes. ;D)

In the end, I wound up not feeling all that sad for any of them... but I wanted to. It had great potential.


Nate
Hardcover, paperback, pdf, eBook, iBook, Nook, and now Kindle & Kobo!
Image
A cooperative effort between 17 Aphelion authors. No part of any sales go to Aphelion.
Post Reply

Return to “May 2008”