Eternity by Zaid Zaman

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Robert_Moriyama
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Re: Eternity by Zaid Zaman

Post by Robert_Moriyama »

Mr. Zaman (I think? Unless Zahid is a woman's name?) shows a certain talent for description, although the (presumably) virtual world in the story is itself rather barren. There are elements here reminiscent of THX-1138 (coming out on DVD, for those who have never seen the original theatrical release) with its sterile environment and chrome-faced police robots, and of some Philip K. Dick stories. The sense of surreality spikes when Jade awakens in what seems to be a different body (blonde and very white-skinned at the beginning, but darker skinned later) and when her real? unreal? lover (Wade -- rhymes with Jade -- a virtual reflection of herself?) turns out to be exactly the same height as she is.<br><br>We don't know the implications of her choice of the virtual hotel and its ever-repeating quest over the real (maybe) world, aside from the fact that it ensures the continued existence of the hotel, the female robot, and Wade. (Jade's choice is the opposite of that taken by Tom Cruise's character in the movie Vanilla Sky (a remake of the Spanish-language Abre sus ojos (sp?)). It seems that she chooses a recurring erotic nightmare over the stultifying routine hinted at in the non-hotel sequences. (viz. Tad Williams's Otherland novels for a similar situation).<br><br>And now, the bad part: Mr. Zaman's lack of appropriate punctuation and other grammatical problems really started to bother me after only a few paragraphs. English is presumably not Zahid's first language, so he(?) is to be commended for learning it as well as he(?) has, but more work is needed to ensure that the mechanical aspects do not detract from the experience of the story. This is not to say that he should stop trying to write in English; on the contrary, practice (and reading English, fiction and non-fiction) will soon reduce or eliminate the problem.<br><br>(He already makes more sense than, say, a certain President ...)<br><br>Robert M.
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Re: Eternity by Zaid Zaman

Post by kailhofer »

I saw this as an internalized struggle between a dream world and real life, where the dream world won.<br><br>The computer may have been the Freudian ego trying to test the waters of the protagonists mind. A "Did you want to stay nuts, or go back to the real world?" proposition. That was all that I could think of that would make a computer hesitant.<br><br>The white featureless robots symbolize responsibilities in the real world? The guards on outside the character's real life cell? It's hard to tell.<br><br>Interesting read, but I didn't find things all that clear, because apart from the "oddly surreal" objects in the scene, the setting wasn't all that described. The comforter on the bed, for example, never has a color. The floor is never carpet or hardwood. The hallway was not in taupe (which they say is very soothing). It was like seeing everything through a haze, which emphasized surreal feeling of it all.<br><br>Nate
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Re: Eternity by Zaid Zaman

Post by CameronNeilson »

There are some clichés to be dealt with in this piece, and some punctuation corrections, but aside from the craft flaws, I found the story interesting in a "matrix" sort of way. Something seemed to be lacking, though, in the overall plot and characterization of Jade. I think this is one of those cases where what a little of that which is purposefully left out to create mystery should be reinserted back into the story to help inform the reader more. I don't want this story to be a direct "matrix" rip-off. That is too generic. I want something different, and if the writer can reinsert some of what he has purposefully left out, I think that information will satisfy me.<br>But like someone above mentioned, if this is indeed a writer creating fiction in his second language, kudos to him! He could teach most native English writers a thing or two.<br><br>-cameron neilson
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Re: Eternity by Zaid Zaman

Post by Robert_Moriyama »

... I don't want this story to be a direct "matrix" rip-off.
-cameron neilson
<br><br>But The Matrix itself is a rip-off of (or, to be kinder, an hommage to) a lot of other science fiction ...<br><br>Robert M.<br>
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Re: Eternity by Zaid Zaman

Post by CameronNeilson »

So true! Maybe the story would be better then, with something that gave it an original spin on the whole genre (if you can call it genre, or maybe I should say the whole cliche) of matrix-type stories.<br><br>-cameron
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Re: Eternity by Zaid Zaman

Post by CameronNeilson »

>>>but what is it exactly that you wish to be reinserted into the story?<br><br>I thought that was obvious. More concrete details to flesh out the plot....I guess you might say a story itself. I don't consider the "matrix" cliche run over and over again much of a story. If there is some deeper story, something about the character and her environment that makes the story original, I want that inserted back in. I am assuming that Zaman left much of this out to create a sense of vagueness in the piece. <br><br>-cameron
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Re: Eternity by Zaid Zaman

Post by Robert_Moriyama »

but what is it exactly that you wish to be reinserted into the story?

and will someone finally agree with me that matrix was mainly derived from orwell's 1984? please?

also, where's mr. zaman himself to comment on our comments?

Lee
<br><br>1984 -- no. THX 1138, something called Overdrawn at the Memory Bank (might have been based on a Robert Sheckley story?), the entire cyberpunk genre, Japanese anime and manga, ... the list goes on, and on, and on. The Wachowski brothers list their sources of inspiration in various interviews. I suspect Mr.(?) Zaman has been exposed to at least some of the same materials, aside from The Matrix trilogy itself.<br><br>Robert M.
Last edited by Robert_Moriyama on September 27, 2004, 07:32:06 PM, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Eternity by Zaid Zaman

Post by CameronNeilson »

lee,<br>I understand completely what you are saying about vagueness, and I love short stories like "Hills Like White Elephants" (Hemingway), in which a master short story writer can say volumes without putting it all down in narration. I was just saying that in this case, I don't think the story is quite there yet, and as it is Science Fiction, it may never be. Maybe just a tiny bit more info as to who the main character is and just why she is experiencing what she is experiencing would change my mind on this one.<br>I think the term "Minimalist" is something that works better with Literary Fiction anyway, like Hemingway, but doesn't work all to well with Science Fiction. In order for Science Fiction to work to begin with you have to convince the reader of something fantastical. In Literary Fiction, you arn't using the ploys of Science Fiction to help the story along, so you are relying on human emotion and experience only and in a realistic, Earth setting. That makes for scenarios in which you can leave much out, as it will be understood by the reader. <br>Now with the short story Eternity, knowing that it is Science Fiction, I know that something abnormal is going on. I know that the setting might not even be earth or might not even be in this physical dimension. There are a myriad of possibilities. I just need it narrowed down a little more...some of the pieces of the puzzle filled in a little more in this case. I think the main reason I feel this way about the piece is because I want to know how closely related it is to the whole "Matrix" genre (if you can call it a genre) it is, or if it is something completely different and original.<br>Does that make any sense?<br><br>-cameron<br>
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Re: Eternity by Zaid Zaman

Post by CameronNeilson »

Jaime,<br>we are talking about the literary writing style of minimalism, popularized by ann beattie, raymond carver, ernest hemingway and others.  minimism is characterized by sparseness of setting, place, and characterization, which puts it directly at odds with the genre of science fiction.<br>the whole notion of science fiction is to create a story in a fantastical setting, or using a fantastical character, or even a fantastical idea for the story plot to revolve around.<br>no matter how much emotion you put into a story, i am simply claiming that it is fundamentally impossible to write both a minimalist and science fiction piece that works on either level.  if you know of any please let me know.<br>what good would it have been, other than to take away from the entire base meaning of the story, if heminway would have written "hills like white elephants" to take place on mars?  <br>science fiction is about science fiction.  it is that simple, isn't it?  sure, there are master writers like ray bradbury, who can add just as much human emotion into a science fiction story (such as his "Ylla") as any minimalist writer adds in their own stories.  but if "Ylla" was a minimalist story, then the main characters couldn't be martians living on mars.  bradbury wouldn't be able to go into the wonderful detail of their daily lives that he uses to flesh the story out and bring it to life. because it is that fleshing out of the story and the convincing of the reader that the unreal is real that makes good science fiction what it is.  <br> <br><br>-cameron
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Re: Eternity by Zaid Zaman

Post by CameronNeilson »

Lee,<br>And stephen king is a great example of a Maximalist writer. Can anyone point out a writer who is both minimalist and science fiction? The two are incompatable as writing techniques...genres...whatever.<br>I agree...good science fiction CAN be considered literary fiction. I wouldn't bring up Stephen King as an example of this, but instead would offer Kurt Vonnegut and Ray Bradbury as writers who are both Sci-Fi and Literary. Stephen King is more of an example of writing that appeals to the masses...not quality literary text that will be studied in Universities fifty years from now, as will Bradbury and Vonnegut's writings.<br><br>-Cameron
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Re: Eternity by Zaid Zaman

Post by CameronNeilson »

Bill,<br>Thanks for looking into that. I'm interested as to whether the works in "Worlds in Small" are being called minimlist because they are super short stories, or if they truly are the minimalism style of literary writing made famous by the French.<br><br>-Cameron
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