Absolution by Jim Rudnick

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kailhofer
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Absolution by Jim Rudnick

Post by kailhofer »

I like the concept of this story.<br><br>It tells, through lengthy narrative in the guise of confession, a tale about a pickpocket who steals a time-travel device from some "really out of town visitors", and then believes he conjured demons with it when the goon squad comes from the future to take it back.<br><br>Its an excellent juxtipostion to see the events from the pickpocket's view, and in his terms. Not understanding time travel, he believes the goons are demons. Also, even though he knows the new priest is not acting correctly as he hears Miguel's confession, the thief fails to put the two things togther. He's nabbed in the end, as we readers guessed from the clues Miguel did not catch.<br><br>I think the plot flows well, and logically. Dialog and setting are good. (Mr. Rudnick clearly knows a lot more about Latin and confession than I do.) Miguel seems very much to be a not very well-educated pickpocket in a Hispanic community, so plus points for characterization.<br><br><br>The only items that bothered me were: 1) some missing punctuation that made some paragraphs harder to understand, and 2) the identifiers given for long passages of narrative. Who was talking was always WAY at the end, even if that was a couple hundred words later.<br><br>Other than that, this was a good read. Well done.<br><br>Nate
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Robert_Moriyama
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Re: Absolution by Jim Rudnick

Post by Robert_Moriyama »

Here are a few quibbles for a story that was, overall, a good read.<br><br>The story is set in Santiago, Chile, but Father Padrone (the title would normally be capitalized, wouldn't it?) teaches Miguel that the Mass and other rites are now celebrated in English? How arrogant you norteamericanos are, to think that the common language of the people in Chile would be ingles!<br><br>And 'Father Padrone'? Wouldn't that translate as something like 'Father Father'?<br><br>I am glad that Miguel thought the Latin passage sounded odd (although I'm not sure when, if ever, he would have heard enough Latin (a) to recognize it, and (b) to know that it wasn't perfectly recited. There were a few English words mixed in there ('of', 'sins'), suggesting that Mr. Rudnick was translating the hard way and didn't finish the job ... it's better than the completely ersatz Latin in the Harry Potter books, or the (I think) bent Latin in Jim Butcher's Harry Dresden series, but not perfect by a long shot. (I studied Latin for several years waaaay back in high school, but have forgotten most of what I learned, as (for some odd reason) I haven't had much practice since then!)<br><br>If the timecops (to steal a Van Damme movie title) were trying to remove evidence of time travel, one would think they'd try to be a little less conspicuous. Primitive though Miguel's compatriots may be in terms of their superstitions, they are not completely ignorant of technology (knowing an expensive watch when they see one). There would be some risk that at least one of the many witnesses to the purple-glow trick would interpret what they saw correctly (time travellers) ...<br><br>Contrast this with the Van Damme movie and with the better movie, Millennium (based on a John Varley story), in which the time travellers take considerable pains to NOT reveal what they are, because this would tend to change the future. The references to 'timelines' suggest the possibility, however, that the travellers here are not from Miguel's future, but from an alternate reality.<br><br>In any case, removing Miguel along with the locket did make a certain amount of sense. For Miguel to disappear without a trace would add weight to the supernatural interpretation of events (as opposed to being 'disappeared' for opposing the government, to which Chileans might be accustomed -- where bloodstains and the like might be found); and as it removes the central figure of those events, and the only one who has had direct contact with the locket, it renders other accounts less concrete and provable.<br><br>Vaya con Dios, Miguel, whenever you are ...<br><br>Robert M.
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kailhofer
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Re: Thanks so much...

Post by kailhofer »

First, I am getting "here" late as I didnt' know that these forums even existed....

Next, to actually "read" feedback from readers -- and I suspect writers some of them is outstanding! THIS is how it should be!
<br>You'll find that an awful lot of us are writers (or a lot of us are awful writers, depending on your point of view :) .) Feel free to check out our stories & voice your opinion on anyone's work. We promise we won't shred your opinions, or at least, not terribly. ;)<br><br>Nate
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A cooperative effort between 17 Aphelion authors. No part of any sales go to Aphelion.
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