March to Motherhood by David Alan Jones

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kailhofer
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March to Motherhood by David Alan Jones

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This is a fair drama about love in a 'gypsy-ish' setting (I think I just invented a new word.) <br><br>The main character, Loren, is an outsider, and that seemed to be a good excuse for her to explain her environment from a more objective view (and, as we writers all know, helped set the scene). Unfortunately, her views and explanations gave the story a slow start, and took away from what could have been a little more effective hook. Eventually, we do see her situation develop and we want to know more, but it takes a little while. <br><br>Her counterpart, Tazion, is less fleshed out as a character, so he comes off a tad flat. Nevertheless, he performs his role adequately. Loren is made a princess, and after she is blamed for the plague, he rescues her in the forest as any Prince Charming should.<br><br>One other question about them: What do they look like? I thought the physical descriptions of the players sketchy at best.<br><br>I would have liked to see the setting more defined as well. I know it takes place in tents, a castle, and a few outdoor spots that have water in them, but that's about all I could tell of the scenes.<br><br>The plot starts slowly, as I said, but it progresses along logical lines, at least until the end. I have to admit that I had trouble swallowing that they would be ok now, just because she had a dream that she would have a baby. I know the story says that the Mothers would now protect her, but I'm not at all sure this would be enough in the face of a sudden, horrific plague. That sort of threat has a way of breaking down societal customs.<br><br>Another question that I didn't catch any clues to (maybe they were there and I missed them) was where did the Canx actually come from?<br><br>As a suggestion, it might have been a stronger story if the plague had struck before the lovebirds are smitten. Love and life in the face of fear and death, as it were. <br><br>The dialog worked ok, but I didn't quite catch why the Middle Lillians spoke rudely of their guests while buying their wares. They seem happy to see the caravan arrive. Was this underlying dislike part of why the plague-ridden visitors were sent packing?<br><br><br>On the whole, I'd have to give this a mixed set of marks (if we were scoring, which thankfully we're not). Still, it's a decent tale, and I'm certainly not worse off for having read it.<br><br>Nate
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Re: March to Motherhood by David Alan Jones

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Excellent work on this one.  I look forward to reading the longer work in whatever form it becomes available.  (Hey, I'll even spend money on it if some publisher is wise enough to put it in print!)<br><br>I was strongly reminded of George R. R. Martin's lamentably unfinished (so far) series (of which 'A Storm of Swords' and 'A Clash of Kings' are the most recent entries).  DAJ's description of the everyday life in this quasi-medieval world felt real to me. The tight focus on a few characters (Loren in particular) was fine, particularly in that it allowed us to quickly come to feel empathy for Loren's plight. This focus was somewhat balanced by the bits of character business in the scene where Loren acts as Dressel's interpreter.<br><br>Nate K.'s questioning of why the townspeople spoke mockingly of the Tolma reveals a sweet naivete ... I thought it was a fine demonstration of DAJ's understanding of the less savory aspects of 'human nature.  Just as the Tolma treat Loren with disrespect because she is an outsider, the townspeople view the Tolma themselves as alien and barbaric.  What better proof could there be than the Tolman failure to speak a civilized (i.e., the townspeople's) language?  Consider the prototypical 'Ugly American' tourist, who shouts at people in foreign countries and thinks them stupid for not understanding him -- and consider what the 'foreigners' (although they are on their home ground, so the tourist is the foreigner) probably say to each other about him!<br><br>As for Loren's belief that her pregnancy will force the Tolma to accept the three friends, there is one aspect of Tolma culture that she has definitely learned:  the sacredness of Mothers.  Carrying the child of Prince Tazion confers on her instant status and demands respect even from other Mothers; and no one would dare risk harming Trevon's grandchild-to-be.<br><br>Once again, congratulations to DAJ for one of the best things I've read recently, here or in those cardboard/paper/glue things you can obtain in exchange for money ...<br><br>Robert M.
Last edited by Robert_Moriyama on August 26, 2004, 03:41:46 PM, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: March to Motherhood by David Alan Jones

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Nate K.'s questioning of why the townspeople spoke mockingly of the Tolma reveals a sweet naivete ... I thought it was a fine demonstration of DAJ's understanding of the less savory aspects of 'human nature.
<br>Naivete?? Perhaps that's true, but I doubt it. [shrug] I could have worse flaws.<br><br>Actually, I was wondering if they were parallels to gypsies or carnivals of today. Everyone is happy to see a carnival or circus come to town and will spend money there, but no one trusts the Carnies, and heaven help a Carnie that tries to date your daughter--just like people treated gypsies.<br><br>Nate
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Re: March to Motherhood by David Alan Jones

Post by Robert_Moriyama »

Naivete?? Perhaps that's true, but I doubt it. [shrug] I could have worse flaws.

Actually, I was wondering if they were parallels to gypsies or carnivals of today. Everyone is happy to see a carnival or circus come to town and will spend money there, but no one trusts the Carnies, and heaven help a Carnie that tries to date your daughter--just like people treated gypsies.

Nate
<br><br>Cue the Cher classic:<br><br>Gyp-sies, tramps and thieves<br>The people from the town they'd call us<br>Gyp-sies, tramps and thieves<br>But ev'ry night the men would come around<br>And lay their money down<br><br>Robert M.
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Re: March to Motherhood by David Alan Jones

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WE HEARD IT FROM The people in the towns.  They'd call us.  .  .  .


Cher may not be God!!  But I wouldn't want to misquote Her.   Look at all the trouble the Crusades 'n things caused when one of the minor deities was misquoted.
<br>Please tell the funeral parlor that I'd prefer the silver fittings on the casket to the brass, and a non-slip lining rather than the usual satin ...<br><br>Robert M.
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Re: March to Motherhood by David Alan Jones

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Please tell the funeral parlor that I'd prefer the silver fittings on the casket to the brass, and a non-slip lining rather than the usual satin ...
<br>Non-slip? Trying to cut back on all the spinning in the grave you'll be doing?<br><br>[Tour group wanders in. Crusty guide stands beside simple, yet attractive, gravestone. He smiles with a twinkle in his eye.]<br>"Here lies my good friend Robert... We used to discuss all his stories, you know. In fact, all the good ones came from my ideas." ;)<br><br>Nate
Last edited by kailhofer on September 01, 2004, 07:20:13 PM, edited 1 time in total.
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