The CCP by Gerry Sonnenschein
Posted: January 30, 2008, 10:00:44 PM
Man, you just can't get away from those damn Pampered Chef™-esque parties, even in the future!
Sorry it took so long for someone to comment. This deserved better.
At first blush, I was going to say not much happened, but that would have been missing the point. A protagonist with a real, human problem (he doesn't like going to these kind of parties because of the established cliques and their gossip), risks of himself, namely possible embarrassment in asking others, and finds what looks like a solution. There may not have been mortal risk, but it was focused on solving a human problem.
That's top drawer. It's exactly what I keep telling people to write. Keep on doing it.
On the down side, the pace was maybe a tad slow, and I thought it could use more sensory input. They are smelling and tasting throughout the whole party, after all. Mel could have been a bit more appealing at the outset, but I really hate going to those things or when one is held in our house (everyone gets their turn in the barrel now and then), so I was totally behind him. I also think maybe one more hint about his 'nonconformity' would have given the ending more of a 'I get it now!' feeling to it.
The only thing I didn't catch was why Dee had to have everything liquefied. Was it in there?
Nate
Sorry it took so long for someone to comment. This deserved better.
At first blush, I was going to say not much happened, but that would have been missing the point. A protagonist with a real, human problem (he doesn't like going to these kind of parties because of the established cliques and their gossip), risks of himself, namely possible embarrassment in asking others, and finds what looks like a solution. There may not have been mortal risk, but it was focused on solving a human problem.
That's top drawer. It's exactly what I keep telling people to write. Keep on doing it.
On the down side, the pace was maybe a tad slow, and I thought it could use more sensory input. They are smelling and tasting throughout the whole party, after all. Mel could have been a bit more appealing at the outset, but I really hate going to those things or when one is held in our house (everyone gets their turn in the barrel now and then), so I was totally behind him. I also think maybe one more hint about his 'nonconformity' would have given the ending more of a 'I get it now!' feeling to it.
The only thing I didn't catch was why Dee had to have everything liquefied. Was it in there?
Nate