Peter, Black by David Alan Jones

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kailhofer
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Re: Peter, Black by David Alan Jones

Post by kailhofer »

I think they're just as violent as in the past. Today's child just has better access to weaponry. (But that's another discussion...)<br><br>Good research! I know in some countries it was believed Nick came with a switch to beat naughty children instead of rewarding them. Perhaps that was Peter's turf.<br><br>Peter coming on the 6th, "using the old dates" confused me a bit until I remembered St. Nick's day that date. (It reminded me of when my youngest daughter asked me if Santa and St. Nick were the same person, and if so, why did he come twice in the same month, bringing candy on the 6th and presents on the 25th. Like any good parent, I told her to ask her mother.)<br><br><br>I confess that I'm a bit on the crabby side tonight, but I felt description needed a little more effort. For example, Peter was a gnarled green thing the color of a lima bean, dressed in a red coat with a gold braid that held the coat together--not really a stellar accounting of what he looked like. Then, after he's smacked around with the baseball bat of choice, he's tied up with a black whip which I didn't see that he was supposed to have. I couldn't tell what the son, Greg, or the vixens really looked like.<br><br>Also, I had to wonder why all the evil had to be ugly. Seems to me that a good-looking Peter would have been even more evil, more insidious. <br><br>The elves were confusing. If they were so linked to St. Nick as mentioned that they would die if he did, why would there be a committee of "Elves for a Humanless World"? St. Nick was devoted to humanity, and by association, the elves were as well. This is contrary, and, I think, illogical to the rules of the Christmas universe as described, especially since Viggo, the only elf we see, is devoted to saving St. Nick with a good human.<br><br>As Dan E. mentioned, I thought Santa taking a vacation for over twenty years and not noticing was hard to swallow. According to the text, he was anointed with immortality by God that he might continue his devotion to humanity through charity--hard to do that when "gone walkabout". <br><br>I did like that a wronged Santa would coldly smite his enemies. That made his character more complex and appealing.<br><br>The concept of this plot was very good--very original, and interesting. However, I'm sorry to say that I didn't think this story was as dramatic as it could have been. Perhaps if more time had been spent on Greg's characterization, making him more endearing and clearly defining his internal conflict, I could have invested more worry on him when he's facing the hags or Peter in the end. Perhaps a flashback to show why he stopped believing, or something that showed how he was a good man (instead of Viggo just telling us). I liked him for protecting his innocent child, but when away from that stimulus, my concern dipped a marked amount.<br><br>In dialogue, I liked that Peter and Santa spoke similarly when they met Gregory. After all, as yin and yang, they should have similar abilities. Somehow, their speech patterns changed after the initial intro. Peter is more officious and callous, but Santa sounds more like a regular Joe than a Saint with upwards of a half millennium under his belt. (Technically, wouldn't he use more Old English words and archaic speech?) <br><br>My own tetchiness not withstanding, I felt this was a good effort, but not as good as it could have been. Step up characterizations and descriptions a bit, and then marry them with another idea as good as this one was, and David will have one heck of a yarn.<br><br>Nate
Last edited by kailhofer on January 05, 2005, 10:53:50 PM, edited 1 time in total.
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kailhofer
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Re: Peter, Black by David Alan Jones

Post by kailhofer »

I must commend Nate on the consistent thoroughness of his critiques. People may not agree with everything he says, but he offers plenty of constructive feedback to mull over. It's clear he gives a lot of thought to the stories he reads and a lot of thought to his commentary. And that's a lot of energy to give to other people's work.

This may sound like I'm stroking you, but thanks, Nate.

Dan E.
<br>Thanks, but I'm not going to get all big-headed about it. I still have just as much trouble selling my own stories as everyone else here, so I must not really be that great at it.<br><br>I have wondered about becoming a professional fiction critic, but I have been too chicken to try. (What if looking at a story becomes work, and not play? Will I want to see my own writing? Will that ruin writing for me?)<br><br>Until success drops in my lap, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing...<br><br>Nate
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