Lamak Dying by E. Markham

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kailhofer
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Re: Lamak Dying by E. Markham

Post by kailhofer »

In spite of a few lesser flaws, I was thoroughly enjoying this story until a certain point. Up to that spot I was sucked in. I wracked my brain to figure out what was going on in Lamak: Was it a plague, was there something alive at the heart of Lamak that was physically dying, or was the entire city about to be smote from above? What role was Qvar going to play? Hero? Villain?<br><br>As I said, I was in to it. That was, until Nesp's death--when author chose to stop showing and start telling. At that point, I'm sorry to say the whole thing flopped with a resounding thud. Tension disappeared, characters lost their appeal, and I was left apathetic to both Qvar's future and the oncoming demise of Lamak.<br><br><br>Mechanically, things were acceptable. However, I did notice that almost all of the paragraphs were very short--two or three sentences at best. Breaking things up helps keep the reading fresh, and works toward pacing. All short paragraphs reads as a mad rush to the end. Better if things ebb and flow, so that shortening them can accelerate the pace in tension areas as needed.<br><br>Lamak didn't feel like a real place to me. All that I knew of it was that there was some sort of bakery cafe on a dusty street, a hotel where not a lot worked, and that there were towers somewhere that were perpetually "on the fritz." If the intent was to show the city as well as the inhabitants, then I'd try more description. There was frequent mention of the black service uniform, but nowhere did I see what it actually looked like. Did one just wear any old black clothes? I wanted to know what a synthetic really was... how it looked or acted that was different from the rest. Was it an android? I could not picture the kart, which was supposed to have compartments inside for sleeping in along with holding cargo. Without explanation, I suspected that there must have been a whole herd of horses pulling this behemoth.<br><br>All the senses help make world-building concrete. How can one enter a bakery and not smell anything? Does the cloud of dust sting the eyes? Does that grit get in your food, or stuck between your teeth?<br><br>On character development, these players seemed mostly wooden to me. Qvar is by far the most compelling, but as I said above, only until the climax. Hukk seems to have no reason to be in the story except to dispense information--either from him or two him. Just seeing a Waster is a far cry to wanting to spreading the truth about the Eshrel for the rest of his life. I mean, why would he want to do that from just watching one die? As for Nesp... I couldn't help but wonder what she went to the city for in the first place. As a cynic, I would guess so she could die and tell her story, but that's why an author wants her there, not what motivation the character had. <br><br>This leads me to plot. If Nesp was right, if she had chosen Qvar because of his devotion to duty, then this entire story lacked purpose. Logically, if he was that devoted, then all that had to be done was to order him to dismantle the city in a single meeting somewhere comfy back in the Capital. I didn't see any emotional attachment that he gained that would aid in his task or in his choice. His choice was somewhat lacking, in that even he says "I think I made a promise too." This is hardly an Ah-ha! moment of revelation. <br><br>In terms of voice, the characters were homogeneous and interchangeable. Perhaps if the Eshrel spoke formally, like a religious sect, or something that set them apart... Nesp doesn't sound old until she's almost dead. Qvar seemed to have some formal, if not military, training and could easily have spoken like a serviceman. Hukk was very well spoken. Pagia must have a good school system.<br><br><br>This critique is on the sharp side, I admit, but it was only because I was really enjoying this story until Nesp was compelled to divulge the secrets of the universe in one big info dump. It killed the story for me.<br><br>Nate
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kailhofer
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Re: Lamak Dying by E. Markham

Post by kailhofer »

As for this last comment, I think I know the promise:

Qvar touches her forehead after the fever starts. Of course, I may be reading more into this than the author intended, but it seemed to me that this could cause him to turn into a wastrel. Note that the synthetic asked them specifically if anyone touched her once her fever set in.

So this either very subtle or a possible plot hole.
<br>Hmm... So you're saying that Nesp is there because she needs to lay waste to Qvar physically while he metaphysically lays waste to the city? Or is he to spread the waster's curse himself, and that's how his name will be known?<br><br>If true, in all honestly, I'm compelled to raise my estimation a bit, and give some credit to the author's skills that I had not. Still, it's awfully hard to figure out if this was purposeful or happenstance, and doesn't give the conclusion a great deal more impact.<br><br>Nate
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