Aphelion

Excellent job crafting a hero story that reads like a gritty detective drama.<br><br>I took the bus reference as bravado, so it made the twist at the end all the better...<br><br><br>From the movie set beginning to the Hollywood sign ending, detailed world building may be the kryptonite of this tale. I would have liked to know what Nebula looked like, or Lady Z, or even Detective Rock (beyond petite brunette in a black skirt). This was not a world that was perceived with all the senses, and it suffered for it.<br><br>The Hollywood sign scene really could have used more detail enhancement. My first time through, I thought they were in some park on a hill, on playground equipment, not the "H" of the Hollywood sign.<br><br>I liked the character development. You only pick up bits and pieces of his real life as the plot progresses, so Adonis grows as a character the more you read.<br><br>Fairly good plot, and it rang true, even if it was a little slow.<br><br>The dialogue worked for me; no grumbles there.<br><br><br>I’ve only read a few pieces of this kind of fiction, but if this story is representative of this genre, I’ll happily read more. Nice job.<br><br>Nate<br>

Like M. Night Shyamalan's 'Unbreakable' and the old 'Wild Cards' shared-world series, this story takes a hard-edged look at what it might be like for someone with real superhuman abilities in our world. <br><br>So you can bench-press a dump truck and bullets bounce off your chest. What are your career choices?  You can be a super-thug (until someone with more potent powers stops you, or the regular police get better weapons), a super-hero (but the pay's lousy (if there is any), and the lawsuits will take you down faster than 'meteor rocks' (viz. 'The Incredibles' and recent Fantastic Four comics)), a stunt man who is willing to do ANYTHING with minimal rigging -- or you can try to be 'normal' and not use your abilities at all.<br><br>El Rudo's quest for greatness by acquiring a worthy adversary also reminded me of the ending of 'Unbreakable'.  The one thing that bothered me was El Rudo's rather foolhardy taunting of Sherman when Sherman evidently had the same powers (strength, agility, resistance to injury) but at a much higher level.  And why did El Rudo seem to be quite content to be squeezed (presumably to death) like a toothpaste tube?  The way the story ends suggests that El Rudo's powers did not allow him to recover from his pulping at our Hero's hands.<br><br>From Mr. Byrns use of the term 'meta-human' (and the disparaging remark about Stan Lee), I deduce that he's a DC man, through and through.  I wonder what his powers are when he boots up the City of Heroes game ...<br><br>Robert M.

I’ve only read a few pieces of this kind of fiction, but if this story is representative of this genre, I’ll happily read more. Nice job.

Nate

<br><br>Nate -<br><br>Glad you liked it. If you'd like a few more samples of this sub-genre (I guess??), I have a few more pieces linked from my website at http://www.geocities.com/frank_byrns/superstories <br><br><br><br><br><br>

From Mr. Byrns use of the term 'meta-human' (and the disparaging remark about Stan Lee), I deduce that he's a DC man, through and through. I wonder what his powers are when he boots up the City of Heroes game ...

Robert M.

<br><br>Actually, I've always been a Marvel guy through and through. . . but now you've got me wondering. Maybe I _am_ a DC man. . . . :)<br><br><br><br><br>