Subway Seductress

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kailhofer
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Re: Subway Seductress

Post by kailhofer »

I've seen a few stories around the web from Mr. Vadalma, and while none of those presented a very rosy view of life, they all were good choices for Halloween.<br><br>(I'm envious of the house on the first page of his site, if it's his.)<br><br>I've never been in an actual mausoleum, but it must be a very sobering. It seems like a perfect opportunity to layer on the detail and description, creeping the reader out. Likewise, as the bloodsucker travelled from tomb to tomb, waking the undead... That really seems like a missed chance for some good world building. Imagine the smell!<br><br>If Josh's bite could have been expanded, and he could describe his spirit being pulled from his along with his blood... again, a golden opportunity to build sympathy for him. Josh himself is a little wooden. Not a lot of personality that would make him more endearing showed through, and he doesn't think much, at least from what we see.<br><br>I'd also liked to have seen more about his choice to be bitten. Traditionally, vamps want the victim to give themselves over. We got a sense that Josh could have bailed out, but it's only momentary, and then he's a slave.<br><br>"Rock on..." Well, that reads better than, "Party on, dudes!"<br><br>Was Josh the only live bait at that party? I hope for his sake that Celia didn't share. Spin the bottle could have a whole new meaning...<br><br>Nate
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