Re: March/April Challenge: the Results!
Posted: April 26, 2019, 12:12:50 PM
Congrats, Jon!
This was a tough one for me to judge. Some heavy-duty stuff here.
My notes:
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Just FYI, the topic this time was my suggestion. Thanks, Iain, for using it; this is one hell of a batch of work.
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The Wounds of the Mother
This is one of those stories you encounter now and then which are written from the grave, as it were, the PoV character being dead at the time of narration. I always find that a bit jarring, and it tends to pull me out of the story. The only remedy specific to that problem is to narrate from a different PoV.
I think, in this case, that would have done more harm than good. The first-person PoV connects the reader to the character with an intimate and efficient power unavailable otherwise.
I noticed also that, after the first three paragraphs, the narration is in present tense, which gives it even more immediacy and presence.
I'll blame the word limit, but the story felt a little truncated. There wasn't a lot of detail about the situation. What was there was enough, though, and the sense of threat from the past was handled very well, as was the relentless tragedy.
Very strong stuff.
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Hey Dude What’s In The Box?
Good stuff about TV and cultural conditioning, with its components of jingoism and religiosity. I thought there could have been more about all the commercials.
I had a a hard time relating that to the bigger story, as it were, of the physics experiment.
Thought-provoking.
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Meera
Did I use the term 'relentless tragedy' before? Here's another, with added heaping servings of vicious brutality, and--the worst of it all--cold indifference. All contrasted against the answer to the topic question: a mother's love.
Deeply disturbing stuff, but stuff we need to be reminded of.
----------------------------
The Right Choice
An escape to a happy past ... and it does make me wonder.
-----------------------------
Customer Satisfaction is Service Out of the Box
Ah, the spirit of Christmas--revenge! Happy holidays!
This was a tough one for me to judge. Some heavy-duty stuff here.
My notes:
------------------------
Just FYI, the topic this time was my suggestion. Thanks, Iain, for using it; this is one hell of a batch of work.
--------------------------
The Wounds of the Mother
This is one of those stories you encounter now and then which are written from the grave, as it were, the PoV character being dead at the time of narration. I always find that a bit jarring, and it tends to pull me out of the story. The only remedy specific to that problem is to narrate from a different PoV.
I think, in this case, that would have done more harm than good. The first-person PoV connects the reader to the character with an intimate and efficient power unavailable otherwise.
I noticed also that, after the first three paragraphs, the narration is in present tense, which gives it even more immediacy and presence.
I'll blame the word limit, but the story felt a little truncated. There wasn't a lot of detail about the situation. What was there was enough, though, and the sense of threat from the past was handled very well, as was the relentless tragedy.
Very strong stuff.
-------------------------------------
Hey Dude What’s In The Box?
Good stuff about TV and cultural conditioning, with its components of jingoism and religiosity. I thought there could have been more about all the commercials.
I had a a hard time relating that to the bigger story, as it were, of the physics experiment.
Thought-provoking.
--------------------------------
Meera
Did I use the term 'relentless tragedy' before? Here's another, with added heaping servings of vicious brutality, and--the worst of it all--cold indifference. All contrasted against the answer to the topic question: a mother's love.
Deeply disturbing stuff, but stuff we need to be reminded of.
----------------------------
The Right Choice
An escape to a happy past ... and it does make me wonder.
-----------------------------
Customer Satisfaction is Service Out of the Box
Ah, the spirit of Christmas--revenge! Happy holidays!