Last Movement by McCamy Taylor

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Robert_Moriyama
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Re: Last Movement by McCamy Taylor

Post by Robert_Moriyama »

But would you want to be the one to 'burp' the container? :P
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Re: Last Movement by McCamy Taylor

Post by kailhofer »

Well, I can't say that I would have chosen this subject matter, but that doesn't make it bad writing. This particular variant of "this is my body which shall be given up for you" could be perceived as an attack against Catholicism, and hence may not have been the best choice for achieving the largest possible audience. Or maybe the opposite could be true. A little controversy can go a long way towards fame... or infamy.

Something did not make sense to me. Tran states that he has degrees in quantum physics and chemical engineering and that they're going to waste waiting for Berry. Later however, Berry states Tran won't understand Not without a degree in quantum neurophysics. I assume that this means that Berry knows how quantum actions affect living bodies. However, wouldn't Tran have to know a pretty good measure of this?
[I may need Bill to set me straight on this point.]

I was disappointed with the lack of description in the setting of the story. (That's setting, and not in the description of the poo. There was plenty of sensory input for that.) Command Central was not a real place to me, and I think that took away believability. Perhaps more about the bank after bank of computers, or evil-looking hunks of hardware hooked together like some electrician's nightmare.--I have to believe that time manipulation is difficult (it was part of a hushed up, big-scale govt. project) and not something that could be this sanitized. I needed to see the underpinning of that complexity. I didn't need to see it dwelled upon, just enough to know that it really was there. Without that, it was just two guys sitting at terminals, surround by some maps. They could have been in a basement of a library, or something like that.

On character development, I thought the Tran's night fling with Humberta Humbert and Son was unnecessary. That his character was Catholic and not tightly laced was already established. Therefore, I couldn't see where the Humberta thing advanced the story. He could have just woke up the next morning and went to church and got the same result. On the other hand, I liked Berry's characterization. I thought his actions were believable and consistent with the way which he was portrayed.

On plot, this story had a decent opener, but then took a long time to get rolling. Going to hell for what he does anyway was a good hook, and it was set before 200 words (which many say is the limit for how long we have to grab the reader). I guess I never did explain the process... killed the narrative flow dead in its tracks, and it took until Berry read the results to get it back, IMO. Once Tran was surprised in church, this story was in full bloom. The characters had made their choices, and they felt the results (even running down their necks). I liked the ending a good deal in that it didn't resolve neatly in one swoop, but instead left one character smarting for a week from his hasty choice. We get the feeling that will be a life lesson not soon forgotten.


So, all in all, I'd give it mixed marks.

Nate

PS-is "Hail Maries" the correct plural??
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Frank_Byrns
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Re: Last Movement by McCamy Taylor

Post by Frank_Byrns »

So, I read this during lunch (MISTAKE #1), and when I finished, I thought, "I just read a poop story." A well-written, thoughtful, interesting poop story, but a poop story nonetheless. :)

Anyone else reminded of the scene from Dogma, with the sh#t demon? Golgotha, I think?
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Re: Last Movement by McCamy Taylor

Post by Megawatts »

An interesting story! Yes!  I love time travel, dimensional analysis---related to space and time theories---and this story presents a unique perspective on the result of tampering with the past! Maybe!

Love the contrast between a Catholic and Buddhist! Nice!

Good interplay between the characters, Nyguen and Berry, but I think that the computer, Sally, should have spoken.  

This story really set off my mind wondering and thinking, and images of things popped up like pop-ups on a computer! I’ll get to them later.

Good crafting throughout the story with no words added just to fill in! Nice. And each sentences integrated itself very well with the next. No sharp jumps or dangling ideas. A nice flow of words, and the story was easy to understand. Clear.

Also,  I think it was a very creative story and Jesus getting some shit on his robe really hit--no pun intended-- me a good one.

Somehow-- I don’t know where the thought came from---I would have crafted the story around a KKK meeting where the Grand Wizard all dressed in white before a burning cross, was reaching into an urn with his hand and throwing it all over the green-tooth crowd! Boy, would I love to see that!

I know, I know, what does that have to do with the story? Nothing, but thoughts like that often enter ours minds when reading a good story such as this one!

I love the story. Loved the style, word choice and the creativity and humor behind it!

No matter what anybody says about this story, there is one thing for certain. It didn’t smell!!!
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Re: Last Movement by McCamy Taylor

Post by Megawatts »

Lee,

I believe that anything alive or gives the reader a feeling of life should have human qualities.  Computer designers are constantly trying to make them more user friendly, and a super-computer in the future would have the technology incorporated in it to speak.

Programmers and software designers using a computer for their own projects would be more interested in algorithms, procedures and data structure much more than the user-friendly aspects.
These people dive into the guts of computers.

But Brad and Nyguen were using the computer as a tool,  and it was interfacing with them on their mission. In this usage, a computer should be paramount in its user-friendliness to the point that one would feel as if it were another crewmember. And the ability to speak would give it an instant channel to communicate with humans immediately. Star Trek’s computer is the best example of user-friendliness!
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Re: Last Movement by McCamy Taylor

Post by Megawatts »

the computer might be 'smarter' but it serves man! It augments his abilities, gives him needed info, and can look out for him, but it is programed by man. computers in the future will be made in man's image!! I think that they should be friendly, and as you
know, Lee, we don't want any more obnoxious creations around us! Just kidding again!!!!
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Re: Last Movement by McCamy Taylor

Post by Robert_Moriyama »

...to quote the Martians from War of the Worlds (TV show): "you are like fungus before us. there can be no dialog with fungus."

Lee
And to quote "Maniac Mansion" (the TV series based (sort of) on the computer game):

"There's a fungus among us!"

Robert "A little Tilex[sup]TM[/sup] will clear that right up" M.
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Re: Last Movement by McCamy Taylor

Post by Robert_Moriyama »

Then you can cross 'Caddyshack' (although it was a candy bar that people thought was excrement floating in a swimming pool) and 'American Wedding' (where it was dog poop that someone thought was chocolate) off your movie rental wish list.

Welcome back to the monkey house, Cary -- even if you're outside the cages, looking in, for a change.

Robert M.
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