Girl Facing Village  by Lee Alon

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Robert_Moriyama
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Girl Facing Village  by Lee Alon

Post by Robert_Moriyama »

NOTE that the version of this story that was online until about 1:30 AM Feb. 25th (Eastern Time) was NOT approved by the author. If you have already read the story, READ IT AGAIN to see the author's original version! If not, READ IT ANYWAY and let Lee know what you think.

C'mon, we know you're out there, our Evil Omniscient Keylogging Spyware can sense your mouse movements. Just kidding! Or am I? ;)

Robert M.
Last edited by Robert_Moriyama on February 25, 2007, 02:43:52 AM, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Girl Facing Village  by Lee Alon

Post by Frank_Byrns »

OK, I read them both.

I liked them both -- I think. I'm not sure exactly what I read, though.

Interesting post-apocalyptic type piece(s). The Editor's Cut made a little more sense to me, but I guess the Author's Cut was more vague and unsettling, which was sort of the tone of the story, so I can see it going both ways.
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Re: Girl Facing Village  by Lee Alon

Post by Robert_Moriyama »

That's pretty much what Lee said. However, when I suggested that Ms. Fin's narration showed signs of paranoia, he was surprised. He thought her reaction to the rude, pushy, and obnoxious people around her was quite reasonable (mind you, he had to write his response in the Crayola 72-point font, 'cause they won't let him have anything sharper than a crayon these days). ;)

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Re: Girl Facing Village  by Lee Alon

Post by Megawatts »

Sometimes writing in the first-person can impale the reader into the story. Lee did this with this story, and the more I read, the more I dove into the mountains with serenity and isolation.

Anna’s thoughts are the stage to this story with her explaining why she became a Hermit. In her ‘stream of conscious’ type thinking---I’m not sure how to label this type of writing---she flashed back and forth, detailing all the events that led to her isolation.  Punks---for want of a better word---motivated her into  ‘Social Vigilantism’ and she struck out at the girl in the dinner! Nice! Some people are very obnoxious!

A legal system that uses DNA to test for---good people? An interesting thought, and one that might not be too far off. If I remember correctly, many criminals have a double X chromosome in their genes, and that information I heard in the Sixties!

Good dialogue, good word choice, and very good transition which makes it easy to read.

I remember Lee saying something about how his building is rather----trying at times? Maybe Lee ventilated himself with this story?  Just kidding Lee!!

I always enjoy Lee’s stories, for they have a social hue about them, and he attacks subjects that should be attacked and introduces new ideas-- good Job!

The drawings on the caves are interesting. Horses running away must symbolize something, but I can’t figure out what unless it’s freedom from civilization. Even ancient civilizations had rude and boisterous inhabitants!

Civilization must have changed over the seven years that Anna had been gone. For the better? I can’t determine that, but for some reason the marines are quieter now.

Is Casey going to stay with Anna? It appears that way, yet it also appears that Casey is trying to get Anna to return to the city. Maybe the legal system using references has cleaned up the obnoxious ones and life is better than before. I don’t know!

All in all, a thought provoking read and one that I enjoyed!

Good job Lee!
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Re: Girl Facing Village  by Lee Alon

Post by Frank_Byrns »


not exactly post apocalyptic, tho, i'd say pre-apocalyptic? it's a companion story to another short from earlier last year which was also on Aphelion if you wanna check it out.

Lee

From Casey's comments at the end, I inferred that the Marines had all killed each other, and then when she started coughing, that she was dying, too. And then Anna would be all alone, which is what she wants, anyway.

Uplifting stuff. ::)
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