Mars’s Gift by Jonathan J. Schlosser

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Mars’s Gift by Jonathan J. Schlosser

Post by Megawatts »

The intro worked because it grabbed my attention and held it. However, we soon run into a very stereotyped character--James Ferrier!! He reminded me of the Marine Sergeant on Baa Baa Black Sheep that aired in the’70s.

Adam Sternson was also stereotyped a little, but I could live with his. All the other characters worked Okay for me.

The writing I thought very good and the story-line interesting.

Some more sensory input would have added much to the feel of a medical facility.

At the beginning when Adam pulled his mask into place, a small fan kicked on under his chin. How did the fan’s air feel? Was it cold, hot or neutral in temp, and did it add a small amount of pressure inside the mask?

Sensory inputs here and there do go a long way, and the trick is to get the right amount at the right time. At the end of the story when Ferrier sacrificed himself for Christina, sensory input used strategically at this point would have added to the climax!

In the contamination room near the middle of the story, Adam and Christina take off their contamination suits, then Adam carries them over to a large bin for de-contamination.

I would think that Adam and Christina while still in their suits would have to be sprayed off first to kill the biohazard before they un-zipped! Small point and one that works. Possibly, once they entered the contamination room, Ultra-Violet rays or some other de-contamination system might have cleaned their suits first. And taking them off for further de-contamination and maintenance would be normal, especially the maintenance concerns.

Not a bad story and one that works the way written.

good one! :D
Tesla Lives!!!
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