Once Upon Some Time by Richard Tornello

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Robert_Moriyama
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Re: Once Upon Some Time

Post by Robert_Moriyama »

bottomdweller wrote:Living here, in the best of all possible universes, I have a few grammer corrections for your review. Paragraph 6 from the beginning - "I the short run.." should be "In the short run..."
9 paragraphs from the beginning (Of this piece, not the beginning of all life) How about this: "I should just end it and be done. No good can come of this."
17 paragraphs from the beginning: "..in a grove of trees surrounded by..."
In the section that starts "Not-was let his consciousness sweep...":
5 paragraphs down "I will just take a walk around the garden area."
20 paragraphs down in that same section:
"Yeah, I know, she is bossy. She still thinks..."
And, of course the thing that makes me nuts, on page 11 of 14 the font changes into intallics all the way to the end of the piece...
Thanks
Dammit, I thought I caught the typos (some of which are likely due to my editing anyway). The problem with the italics is definitely my fault -- missed a close-italics tag (again). Fixes will be made sometime tonight.

RM
You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.

Jack London (1876-1916)
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Robert_Moriyama
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Fixes applied

Post by Robert_Moriyama »

The italics problem and grammar (not grammer, unless Frasier Crane is involved) slips have been fixed.

RM
You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.

Jack London (1876-1916)
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Robert_Moriyama
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Posts: 2379
Joined: December 31, 1969, 08:00:00 PM
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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Re: Once upon a sometime

Post by Robert_Moriyama »

bottomdweller wrote:Just a thought: Maybe you could use the Jewish name for god "I AM" to some comical advantage.
"Who is responsible for this mess - half-wit raised his hand "I Am". I can say stuff like that - I'm an atheist.
Well, them there Born Again folks'll tell y'all that if you think y'all are dwelling at the bottom NOW, y'all will be gettin' a real roasty-toasty surprise when the Good Lord punches your ticket to your Final Destination(TM, Registered Trademark, etc.)...

Anybody remember that TV series "Joan of Arcadia"? The theme song was "What if God was one of us?" by Joan Osborne. The chorus was

What if God was one of us? Just a slob like one of us?
Just a stranger on the bus trying to make his way home...

That's what came to mind when I read this story.

RM
You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.

Jack London (1876-1916)
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