Bill_Wolfe wrote:Not bad, Nathaniel.
Good pacing and set-up, with both the characterization and plot steadily being fleshed-out (if you'll pardon the pun.)
Still not sure why the bartender made a run at Jimmy when he did. I've read it twice and still nothing.
Thanks, Bill.
It was mostly a device, really. What I was trying for was that the bartender thought Jimmy had some religious power the bartender had to fear. After finding that Jimmy was just an altar boy instead of something bigger in religious hierarchy, I had him go for Jimmy, which gave me a chance to show how the "pills" work.
If you’ve read some of the other horror/sci-fi sites there seem to be a whole lot of these stories being written. I think it's an outgrowth of the Dawn and Shaun movies (trying really hard not to be a spoiler.)
In one of the rejections I got from this, an editor told me that it was a good zombie tale, but it was too traditional to stand out against the huge number of zombie stories out there.
People like zombies, but you have to do something pretty special or unique to get one published at a pro market.
One thing I should mention, even in RC churches that have baptismal vessels, the water in them isn't holy water. The holy water and chrism are brought in separately. The priest just drops three little splashes on the baby’s head. Also, they are always in the front of the church, not under the choir loft.
The thing that was dropped from the choir loft might well have fallen into the holy water font situated at the back of the church. They don't do baptisms at that thing. (Though I admit that many of them are large enough to do so.) Then again, Jimmy was telling the story and by his own admission, he wasn’t one of the best.
Food for thought from an old altar boy.
No, good point. Since priests/ministers look like they're blessing the water before the baptism, I just assumed it was holy water. Just goes to show fact checking is important.
Thanks again.As I said, there have been a spate of these stories, recently. Yours was the best, so far.
Good job, dude.
Bill Wolfe
I hated to see this one gathering digital dust when I knew it was good enough to see the light of day.
Nate