Memories of Sky by Michael McNichols

Tell us what you thought of the January 2007 issue!

Moderator: Editors

Post Reply
User avatar
kailhofer
Editor Emeritus
Posts: 3245
Joined: December 31, 1969, 08:00:00 PM
Location: Kaukauna, Wisconsin (USA)
Contact:

Memories of Sky by Michael McNichols

Post by kailhofer »

This was a clever plot concept, but one which left me a little flat.

William, a vampire determined to kick the habit, makes it to Mars, where there should be no prey. There, he inadvertently creates a second vampire, and almost falls prey to a different kind of vamp, one which feeds solely on memories. He's saved by the vampire he created, but accidentally sends them both into another world to start praying on the aliens there.

I really liked that the plot fed itself, building on events to lead to an ultimate, yet dramatic, failure. William used the creature, but in so doing made it a vampire, too. Because of that, he could be saved from the green spiders. Then, because he wasn't careful about where he sent the two of them, he unleashed vampirism on the alien's home world. The characters grew, and changed as the story progressed. What's more, these were good characters. These are things that I look for, and they earned great marks here.

I was less impressed with the setting. I love sensory input, so being sucked inside an oversize jellyfish that flies through space is something where I'd like to know what it was really like. Likewise, clinging to a cliff face on Mars, dodging the sun's rays that would destroy him on contact, that the sort of spot that gets my attention. However, the lack of more setting details kept this, and other locations, from seeming real to me.

Telling vs. showing was a big problem for me. William wanted to get away, so then he went to Mars. Then he walked there. Then he climbed. Then he found spiders. The creature saved him, and then they flew away. Rarely in the story does the character experience what happens to him rather than us hearing an observation that it had happened. He does feel the loss of his memories, but soon after we just hear about him screaming, as a witness, when the other vamp dives on the flying critters.

Without William experiencing the plot instead of describing it, the story felt two dimensional to me, rather than being a full, well-rounded plot.

I'd have to say I think a little more dialogue (and not monologue) might have helped, too.


Again, hot plot idea, but it just didn't work for me.

Nate
Hardcover, paperback, pdf, eBook, iBook, Nook, and now Kindle & Kobo!
Image
A cooperative effort between 17 Aphelion authors. No part of any sales go to Aphelion.
Megawatts
Master Critic
Posts: 951
Joined: December 31, 1969, 08:00:00 PM
Location: Johnstown, Pa.

Re: Memories of Sky by Michael McNichols

Post by Megawatts »

Vampires on Mars? Why not! The universe is infinite so possibilities are also infinite.

I didn’t get into the story. Nothing grabbed me, but I did like it.

Sometimes it’s nice to read a story that exists for itself and not some deep meaning that the author is trying to present. This story is pure fiction wrote for the reader to read and enjoy. I did.

The writing very good, the characters could have been developed a little better and some more sensory input might have impaled the story into the reader.

Even if a vampire is getting attacked, its fear should be shown to the read in such a way that the reader will feel it.

A few minor sensory inputs will go far in this story!!

All in all a better than average read!
Tesla Lives!!!
Post Reply

Return to “January 2007”