Aphelion

A little better attention to language would make this story much better.

English must be a second language to the author, and he/she is in the process of learning its application to story telling. Grammar is one point the must be studied.

The authors at Aphelion who speak and write English as a second language
are held in my highest esteem.

I think this story shows an author who is trying to master English in all its
uses, and in my opinon he will succeed as a very good story-teller.

Nice Job!!

According to his bio, Dwayne was born in Boston, but is now teaching English in Beijing. You may therefore speculate that (a) any flaws in his grammar are the product of the U.S. educational system, or (b) any flaws in his grammar are the result of immersion in a language (or languages, given the many dialects of Chinese) with a completely different grammatical structure, or (c) both of the above.

Then again, the story as published has already been through my attempts at grammatical repair-work, so maybe my grammar also needs work.