Don’t Tax Black Magic!

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Don’t Tax Black Magic!

Post by Megawatts »

Nice intro. It worked by easing into the story and getting the reader’s
attention. The smooth and interesting start worked well for this medieval sword and sorcery tell, and the information about paying taxes also added some sense of purpose for visiting the old lady Ko. And Gao Yanglin’s character showed as a dominate citizen by entrusting him
to collect taxes for the emperor.

The story moves along at the right speed with no sharp jumps, and it managed to hold my attention until the end. I did read it twice because I started getting it confused with another story I read a few days prior to reading this one. From beginning to the end the story held a fluency that I have always liked.

Character development was Okay except with the two ‘demons.’ The two demons were passively portrayed, given or showed no essence, and the one thing that I didn’t like---the demons had not names or any substitute names given to them by Gao or Ma or Wan. This makes a character flat. Even a demon should have a name.

The ending was stereotypical in which we could have predicted the outcome.

The story was Okay but it can be improved.

Nice job. :)
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Lester Curtis
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Post by Lester Curtis »

But still, this kind of stating a setting is telling on a meta level.
This technique is merely one tool in a writer's toolbox. It has usefulness, as well as limitations. In this instance, I thought it worked well. "Telling on a meta level" isn't cheating, it's efficient, and sometimes as necessary as any other telling vs. showing. Sometimes an info-dump actually is the best way to convey information, and this can be seen in that way: a mere eight words, in this example, and the reader has a usable background, and the writer can then go on to other things, like conflict and character development.
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Post by Assotlytoiree »

nice! :D
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