Posted: July 05, 2010, 04:18:29 PM
I didn't care for this one too much.
First, there's the change in point-of-view from the beginning section (third person omnicient) to the rest of the story (first person). That isn't too bad in itself. What bothers me about it is the general sense of the author addressing the audience directly; it has the tone of "I'm talking to you." I might not have noticed it, except for this deliberate breach of the "fourth wall," when, for at least this one sentence, the POV changes again to second person.
Loose ends and incongruities . . . where did the fur, tape, and manacle come from? Why would a detective simply drop another person's phone at a crime scene instead of handing it back?
Characterization was rather thin in a lot of places as well; I think I understood the dog better than most of the humans.
Also, the information about these dragon/humans seemed to be inserted in a less-than-graceful manner. I know we're supposed to avoid info-dumps, but that might have worked better here.
The subject matter has promise, with shape-shifting dragon/humans hidden in modern society, and sometimes getting out of line. The execution needs tidied up a bit, though.
First, there's the change in point-of-view from the beginning section (third person omnicient) to the rest of the story (first person). That isn't too bad in itself. What bothers me about it is the general sense of the author addressing the audience directly; it has the tone of "I'm talking to you." I might not have noticed it, except for this deliberate breach of the "fourth wall," when, for at least this one sentence, the POV changes again to second person.
This, to me, is a big no-no.Yes, you heard me right. And I wasn't speaking metaphorically. Grandmother's human name is Iris Chen, and she really is a dragon.
Loose ends and incongruities . . . where did the fur, tape, and manacle come from? Why would a detective simply drop another person's phone at a crime scene instead of handing it back?
Characterization was rather thin in a lot of places as well; I think I understood the dog better than most of the humans.
Also, the information about these dragon/humans seemed to be inserted in a less-than-graceful manner. I know we're supposed to avoid info-dumps, but that might have worked better here.
The subject matter has promise, with shape-shifting dragon/humans hidden in modern society, and sometimes getting out of line. The execution needs tidied up a bit, though.