Aphelion

See also:

http://www.aphelion-webzine.com/forum/v ... php?t=1961

. . . and by the way, Mr. Feather never did answer my last question in that thread . . .

Okay, so the lady is a dude, or -- whatever -- that doesn't help the author of this story, and he needs constructive commentary.

The way I see it, the biggest problem with this story goes all the way back to its genesis -- in the author's own words:

I thought that I would create a society that had a different gender make up than our own, but still originally come from human stock just like we do.

So he wrote a story, with that as its only foundation or reason for being. It might have been excusable if he'd used that as setting or background, and kept it in its place, but he then failed to develop characterization, conflict, or an adequate plot (and failed to explain this fictional society, as well).

Gary needs to learn to kill his darlings. I hope he's reading this.

Here's what I mean, for those of you who haven't heard it before (or forgot):

http://www.adaptivepath.com/blog/2010/0 ... -darlings/

. . . and this is a very nice series of articles:

http://www.writesf.com/

I hope this helps.

I just want to say that I don't think I should have sent this story into Aphelion.

Hey, where else ya gonna go for the deeply insightful commentary you need to improve your writing? That's what we're all here for; put it to use! An unbeatable value for the price!