Well, if Bill is right, and there were nasties in the basement that required a guardian (although the purity of Aunt Ellen's motives would seem to be called into question by her apparent role in the deaths of Our Hero's parents) ... to paraphrase Damon Wayans as Major Payne, after he pumped several .45 caliber slugs into the closet wherein a child believed a monster lay in wait ...
if they're still in there, they ain't happy. Unless they like fire, which is possible.
Robert "Sometimes, sacrifices must be made in the service of a great cause. Sometimes they're human sacrifices." M.
Keepsake by Michelle Bobier
Moderator: Editors
- Robert_Moriyama
- Editor Emeritus
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- Joined: December 31, 1969, 08:00:00 PM
- Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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Re: Keepsake by Michelle Bobier
You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
Jack London (1876-1916)
Jack London (1876-1916)
Re: Keepsake by Michelle Bobier
Captivating story from beginning to end. Very professional use of the English language, a use that comes from reading, studying and analyzing. But it takes more than that! It takes a talent that knows how to place words and sentences together to produce the effect that the writer wants. That is good writing and I’ve read many stories that are well written with a high degree of professionalism.
This story is well written , but there is more here!
I don’t have to tools to describe Michelle Bobier writing, nor can I say what makes it great! And great it is!
She has that x factor--- for the want of a better word-- that propels her story far above mine and many other stories I have read!! Another story with equally good grammar, style and content, will not make that story soar as this one does. It takes more, and Michelle has that unique talent or training or combination of the two that has integrated itself so well, that she can place words on paper as an accomplished artist can on canvas.
I can’t critique her on the level she deserves! All that I can say is that her story, to me, is superb!
This story is well written , but there is more here!
I don’t have to tools to describe Michelle Bobier writing, nor can I say what makes it great! And great it is!
She has that x factor--- for the want of a better word-- that propels her story far above mine and many other stories I have read!! Another story with equally good grammar, style and content, will not make that story soar as this one does. It takes more, and Michelle has that unique talent or training or combination of the two that has integrated itself so well, that she can place words on paper as an accomplished artist can on canvas.
I can’t critique her on the level she deserves! All that I can say is that her story, to me, is superb!
Tesla Lives!!!
- kailhofer
- Editor Emeritus
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- Joined: December 31, 1969, 08:00:00 PM
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Re: Keepsake by Michelle Bobier
I thought this was a fairly good tale--not exceptional, yet not bad, either.
I don't know about spiral in plot or not, but it was straightforward enough. That lack of a good surprise in today's marketplace, however, might have been why this piece appeared in a free market rather than paid.
In this case, I thought the "weird sisters" line gives away that the hero is already thinking about this as witchcraft. There were a substantial number of clues to suggest this, but I would rather have felt that the character did not suspect before he found out. That would have made it a better drama for me as reader to absorb.
Also, I thought the opening was a bit slow, and not as gripping as it might have been.
Just my opinions.
Nate
I don't know about spiral in plot or not, but it was straightforward enough. That lack of a good surprise in today's marketplace, however, might have been why this piece appeared in a free market rather than paid.
In this case, I thought the "weird sisters" line gives away that the hero is already thinking about this as witchcraft. There were a substantial number of clues to suggest this, but I would rather have felt that the character did not suspect before he found out. That would have made it a better drama for me as reader to absorb.
Also, I thought the opening was a bit slow, and not as gripping as it might have been.
Just my opinions.
Nate