Aphelion

The intro works; action at the beginning of a story always grabs one’s attention even if the action is just a state of excitement.

An elevator to the moon? Good SF and the science behind it is suitable for a science fiction story. Some might say that it would be impossible to create such a transportation system, but in SF our imagination must be unlimited so that we can take the possible and develop it into the extraordinary.  

The characters were a little flat, but Doc’s Slavic nationality came through by the correct use of mixed grammar. Just the right amount!

I find it hard to believe that the moon settlement hasn’t communicated with Earth for a century!

The description of the elevator and its components was Okay, and the dialogue between the elevator operators good. And the explanation of the events leading up to the virus contamination worked.

The weird look of the moon girl just might be after humans spend a century in reduced gravity!

The ending developed further than I thought it would, with the moon’s inhabitants dead, but the red-ice that had gone to the moon had foreshadow that event.

Once they landed on the moon, things got really got eerie. The kid who survived, the bodies charred and scattered around, the machinery still running and the fact that almost everyone was dead presented a classic type SF story. But the old woman who appeared as a homeless person, symbolized the aftermath of a catastrophe, a catastrophe that a single virus could inflict!

No a bad story but the theme was of an older type set in the sixties and seventies SF stories.

Keep editing your works over and over again for errs.

The good points: Excellent descriptions, very good use of dialogue, believable plot, good tone, and logical developments.

Bad points: Characters a little flat--but not much. A little confusing in the beginning, but that might be attributed to my state of mind. You see, I just quit chewing snuff, and the withdrawal symptoms are killing me!!!

For an SF story it was good, and for a first SF story it was excellent!!

A nice read!!!

There were several things I liked about this story. First, that it had that "classic sci-fi" feel. I liked that style as a kid, and I still like it today. Second, that careful thought was given to some of the science in the story. This seemed to be a plausible enough elevator scenario. Finally, the posies thing, linking back to the black death. Nice tie in.

However, there were a few serious flaws as I saw it. Because the science of the story was so well established, I expected it to continue to obey those rules. That is, the "world" of this story is defined as one where biology acts as it does in the real world. That is, viruses act just as they do in the real world--they replicate, they spread, and some of them kill. Doc said he was going to try to make a vaccine, and that it was easy for him to isolate it. But unless I missed it, he never does make one. Then these brave souls launch themselves at the Moon, landing in the space where the virus was supposed to be multiplying itself. Obviously, it didn't need to be inside a host human to survive, yet these guys never get sick, either from the water or the infected bodies. I also didn't see anything about inoculating the fetuses, which would catch the virus & croak.

Is this birthing technology limited to the Moon? Wouldn't it also exist on Earth? Couldn't someone just hatch big batches after the virus was under control?

If they did make a vaccine, then why never give it to earth? Shoot some back down the line, or send the formula. They knew someone would make it. If these men dedicated their lives to raising all the Moonies, wouldn't such selflessness extend to people back home?

Along those lines, how did these regular guys become such saints? Sure you'd want there to be people, but I missed the seeds of their motivations in the early part of the story. I mean, wanting humans to survive is very different from wanting to be a dad to a million children. Imagine what it would take to live up to thatt. All I can say is that it must have been one hell of a screening process to get hired.

Overall, I did like the story, but I got hung up on a few issues.

Nate