Voyages of the Earth Ship Horus

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Robert_Moriyama
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Voyages of the Earth Ship Horus

Post by Robert_Moriyama »

No Prime Directive here, except to stay one step ahead of the creditors while eking out a living by carrying goods between the scattered worlds, legally -- or not. And along the way, if some situations just can't be ignored ...

Some ships and crews just can't stay out of trouble. This one doesn't even try very hard.

Robert M.
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kailhofer
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Re: Voyages of the Earth Ship Horus

Post by kailhofer »

I think there is strong potential in this group of miscreant spacers. Vastly different folks thrown together in a common goal: make a living in the not-so-glorious stars. Firefly proved that works, but this is no Firefly--at least not yet.

I thought two things were big weaknesses: character motivation and risk.

Plato wanted to keep his bucket running and to keep his crew safe. He wanted real coffee and some food. Eventually, he really wanted a beer. All of these things are good traits in a captain and were to his credit.

However, if that was what he wanted out of life, then why get embroiled in a civil war? Where was the profit in that? After escaping they didn't just run for it. They helped the rebels control the ship. Then, after the child is returned, they helped sack the capital & take control of the computer. That didn't fit Plato as he was portrayed. He needed something in his character makeup that showed a sense of decency or nobility. Honestly, though, if his final goal was a beer, I thought it might have been funny if he had asked for beer every time he met a new level of official.

His giantess officer who was supposed to have the giant intellect never acted smart, only strong. What made her tick? The psychic that controlled everyone's mind--why did this person settle for Plato & his ship? Seems like with all that power it would have been easy for Xao to do whatever he wanted in life. And why did the cat ladies want to raise a 'mini'-Plato?

Characters should act in ways true to their nature and drives, or we should know why they aren't doing so. Also, they needed flaws to feel like real people.


Secondly, these guys go through the baddies like a hot knife through butter. They need more risk. Risk is what makes it compelling--that thought that they might not make it or succeed. This story didn't have that. Xao is waaay to powerful. The giant lady is too strong. Plato is too lucky. The cats are too good at fighting. I never once feared for any of them.

Again, there's good stuff here, but if this is the start of a series, then I think some adjustments need to be made.

Nate
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