"Rubican's Crystal By Gust Dimoulias"

Tell us what you thought about the June 2007 issue!

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Megawatts
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Re: "Rubican's Crystal By Gust Dimoulias"

Post by Megawatts »

Nice into! I liked the use of short sentences with each sentence becoming a little longer than the last.

And the character development was there. Each character became unique as the story unfolded.

Sensory input good. And description matched the other necessities needed in order to see and feel the surroundings, and hear the character speak in that environment.

No problem there.

I think the story could have been enhanced by balancing showing with telling, and often too many sentences began with Carrie. Carrie was used too much at the beginning of sentences. And the rhythm didn’t vary enough. At times the story took on a monotone style.

The body of the story read a little too much like a manual, and not a story!  More variation, and  more showing coupled with more action would have taken this story to a much higher plateau.

My criticism might appear rather harsh, but, if a writer has talent, and Gust Dimoulias does, then I feel that I should open up on him!!

Experiment with showing and action by mixing them with telling. Also vary the sentences a little more, and please don’t keep using the same name at the beginning of each paragraph too much!

I can’t see any big problems, just little techniques that must be honed.

For your first attempt at a story, you have shown natural talent!!

Very Good First Story!
Tesla Lives!!!
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