Aphelion

I rather liked this one as well.

Great characterization and world building. Complex plot. Character growth over time. Diverse interactions and the whole gender issue to keep things fresh. I liked all of that, and the wrap-up at the ending too.

There was a need for editing and polish ('Mark' instead of 'Marc' and partial words like 'nd' instead of 'and' leapt out at me), but these were minor quibbles.

The only real problem I had was that after such a wonderful buildup, I thought the climax was a bit flat. Things were happening. Sammual was freezing the castle, and burning the desert up to get inside. Tension was super high. After the bloody kiss & roll in the flames, which he didn't seem to struggle all that much to do, Marc no longer seemed in any danger. Darli ashed the aunt, which seemed to instantly reverse how far Elias had crossed into the world.

It was too easy for Marc. I wanted more difficulty. I wanted him to do something bigger, something more challenging, and more risky for his life.

As I said, I liked all the other bits of the story. I enjoyed reading it, but the moment of climax (which I guess really was a climax in this case :)), didn't work for me.

Nate

Spoilers (but then so is everything else in the thread I guess)

Thanks for the last post. I think that I need to clarify something. Marc is horrified when he sees his aunt killed by Darli, and this is why he suddenly grows cold towards her. She, in turn, is angry at him for judging her, which is why they are not talking.

The soul transfer does not stop until the water castle is destroyed. That is the purpose of the Warded Fortress. And though the transfer stops, some of Elias remains in Marc. Throughout the novella, he has gradually been assuming some of the characteristics of his ancestor, in particular his magic ability. This means that the reader has never encountered Marc in a "pure" form, since the process of transformation actually began after the arrow injury.

I do not like pure exposition, but I will need to fit some in maybe.

I don't know about anybody else, but I don't think someone should read a thread until they've read the story. I don't. It could bias their interpretation, plus prohibit frank discussion of all aspects of the story. But maybe that's just me.

I think your explanation comes through beautifully in the story. I completely got the gradual transfer, his revulsion at the end, all of that--except for when the transfer is stopped, which logically would be the climactic moment. That was the only bit that was hazy for me. Everything else reads very well, so I don't think you'd need to tack on that exposition.

Nate