The Organist by Stephen H. Wallenfels
Posted: November 11, 2007, 12:42:44 PM
Stereotype ganisters robbing human organs for sale! I bet Al Capone never thought that one up!!
Spelled out numbers should be used for 8 meters and 8 years. And some other numbers in story should have been spelled out. The only grammar infraction that stood out to me.
I thought the used of dialogue excellent, and the language of ganister, as heard in old movies, also fitting. And I had little trouble following the story-line. Nice.
Some sensory input would have added a nice touch such as “the room became hot, but cold sweat bubbled from my forehead as I saw the ghost of Luigi Tortella...” A little sensory input here and there goes a long way!
The profanity was fitting and used correctly.
I liked the story line, even if the characters were stereotyped There was something natural and convincing about the characters, and I believe it came through with the dialogue that was crafted so well.
Learn when to use spelled out numbers, and interject some sensory input when needed.
In general, I thought the story very good.
Nice job!!
Spelled out numbers should be used for 8 meters and 8 years. And some other numbers in story should have been spelled out. The only grammar infraction that stood out to me.
I thought the used of dialogue excellent, and the language of ganister, as heard in old movies, also fitting. And I had little trouble following the story-line. Nice.
Some sensory input would have added a nice touch such as “the room became hot, but cold sweat bubbled from my forehead as I saw the ghost of Luigi Tortella...” A little sensory input here and there goes a long way!
The profanity was fitting and used correctly.
I liked the story line, even if the characters were stereotyped There was something natural and convincing about the characters, and I believe it came through with the dialogue that was crafted so well.
Learn when to use spelled out numbers, and interject some sensory input when needed.
In general, I thought the story very good.
Nice job!!